Psychology jokes
Doctor: What makes you feel depressed?
Me: Seeing others happy.
Doctor: Ok, so what makes you happy?
Me: Seeing stupid people in misery or agony.
Doctor: Well, that's rather sadistic.
Me: Well, statistically one in two doctors have fingered a child...
Doctor: Do you want your prescription or shall I book you an endoscopy?
Me: There's nothing hidden inside me, I'm empty "smug face".
We are anonymous because none of us are as cruel as all of us.
I have OCD and ADD, so everything has to be perfect... but not for very long.
Whenever Iām bored, I hit up my local orphanage and beat some of them up.
I mean honestly, what are they going to do, tell their parents? šš
What side of the sidewalk do crazy people walk on? The psych-o-path.
I have a fear of speed bumps, but I'm slowly getting over them.
My grief counselor died just the other day.
He was so good though, I didn't care.
How do you help a constipated person?
You scare the shit out of them!
Why did the guy like retarded jokes? Because he was a retard himself.
Why can't a little girl fly? She doesn't have the proper motivation.
Is depression an emotion or a state of mind? I call it a lifestyle.
Why was the Ethiopian baby crying?
It was having a mid-life crisis.
Why did Johnny cry?
He was molested by his sister. Johnny enjoyed it, though.
Want to know how to keep an idiot in suspense???
"Kill yourself."
"Kill me yourself, pussy."
What did the emo say before he crossed the road?
"Fuck my life."
What is the difference between an emo and a normal person?
An emo slits.
Depression is like having anxiety, but with more voices.
I'm like a rubber because people hit me as I can't feel.
What do you call two bears jerking each other off?
Bipolar.