Problem jokes
Monster: “I will devour your family.”
Orphan: “Oh.”
I've got 99 problems and one of them is that I count my problems instead of solving them.
As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way.
Maybe my budding career as a tour guide was not the right choice.
My grandma's got 99 problems, but a fat butt ain't one of 'em.
Why can’t English people play chess? They ain't got no queen.
How many electrical engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. That is the electrician's job. I am a specialist.
How many software engineers?
Again, none. It's a hardware problem.
How many computer programmers to change a light bulb?
Two, but one resigns halfway through the project.
If you're ever bored just fuck some orphans, what are they gonna do, tell their parents?
Everybody is talking about Trump having leaks in his office.
I don't see what the problem is. He should just use a better fitting diaper next time.
Why I can’t be skinny? I hurt myself for fatting. - Jenny
Hello please I want gain wait. - Jenny year later.
Why is England bad at chess?
'Cause they lost their queen.
Math Teacher: "If I have 5 bottles in one hand and 6 in the other hand, what do I have?"
Student: "A drinking problem."
You're so short, I bet your parents left you at home most times when they went to the pool because they're scared you'll drown in the kiddie pool.
If your name is Caleb or Connor, you have a problem.
What do Nemo and an orphan have in common? They can't find their parents.
I had to stop drinking because I got tired of waking up in my car, driving 90.
"How does dry skin affect you at work?""You don’t have any elbow grease to put into it."
Why can’t you yell at a kid?
Because the cops are after you.
If Carlos and Jose took a brownie from me and I had 10 to start, what do I have?
Answer: A math problem.
Life is a bitch, and people make it worse.
This thing that I'm in ("am") is a forsaken curse (beta).
Your mama is so fat.
She went on a diet and solved world hunger!