Problem jokes
In honor of Diddy:
The ice cream machine at McDonald's now works!
Dear math,
Please grow up and solve your own problems. I'm tired of solving them for you.
Thanks.
The Titanic, just like my phone, IT JUST WON'T SYNC.
Edit: Never mind, it started to sync...
Remember: Alcohol doesn't solve your problems, but neither does milk or water.
what does an orphanage and a hospital have in common?
people go there to fix their mistakes.
how to solve world hunger and over population?
Cannibalism.
Why did the cat cross the road?
To make a catastrophy on the road.
How many women does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they just sit in the dark and bitch.
I was sitting in math class, and our teacher doesn't like it if we don't work on math in his class. So, I did science homework on top of a math book.
The doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him with my gun. The judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved.
Why was the math book so sad? Because it was filled with problems.
A woman has been raped by a man. She calls the police, and a policeman shows up.
Woman: "Please help, officer! I have been raped!"
Officer: "No problem, ma'am, I will just unrape you."
Woman: "What? Unrape me? How?"
Officer proceeds to bring back the rapist and forces the woman to rape the rapist back in order to cancel out the initial rape.
Mickey Mouse went to a psychologist and told him, “I’m having problems with my girlfriend.”
The psychologist said, “You mentioned that you think she is crazy.”
He said, “I didn’t say she was crazy, I said she’s fucking Goofy!”
I have no problem getting dates online. I’ve also had luck with almonds, cashews, and walnuts.
How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
None, that's a hardware problem.
If you have anger problems, hit an orphan, because who are they going to tell? Not their parents.
I have a problem. My dad and my girlfriend have the same birthday. So, one took my virginity, and the other is my girlfriend.
How do you get gum out of your hair?
Cancer.
I just broke up with my mathematician girlfriend. She was obsessed with an X.
What did the science textbook say to the math textbook?
You've got a lot of problems!