"The problem is not the problem. The problem is your attitude about the problem." - Jack Sparrow
What's worse than depression & suicide?
Easy: LIVING. Everyday you wish you were dead but then reality hits you in the face that you're still alive and have to suffer living.
Pretend or not pretend, we have to decide everyday even if we don't pretend no one will notice :) no one ever does :). Living is the problem to everything. We get depression cuz of it and so much. Why can't we just die :)?
A woman is on the edge of a bridge, about to commit suicide, when a strange man comes up to her.
"Tell me, why do you wish to end your life?" he asks in a booming but gentle voice.
"My children died last year in a car crash, I'm battling depression, my husband left me, and I lost my job," she sobs. "I don't wish to live anymore."
The man mulls this over, and proclaims, "I will solve all your problems, as I am a wizard and possess unfathomable abilities. However, you must grant me a blowjob first."
The delighted woman readily agrees, takes him below the bridge, and fulfills his request. After they're done, he asks, "How old are you?"
"37," she replies, wiping her mouth.
"You're 37 and you still believe in wizards?"
What do lesbians do when they have a problem? They finger it out.
Apparently, as a 4-year-old, Hitler was saved from drowning in the river Passau by a local priest.
Goes to show once more that a lot of problems would be solved if priests could just keep their hands off kids.
I had problems milking my cow one morning. It was an udder failure.
An orphan girl wanted a family so she was raped until pregnant. Problem solved.
Girls are like math, if they're under 10, use your fingers.
What is Africa's most played game?
The Hunger Games.
What did the math book say to the other math book?
Wanna hear my problems?
How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Infinite because feminists can't solve problems.
What's the problem with 9/11 jokes?
They are just two plane.
Theory is when you know everything but nothing works.
Practice is when everything works but no one knows why.
In our lab, theory and practice are combined: Nothing works and no one knows why.
What's the best way to get gum out of your hair?
Cancer.
What does one math book say to the other? -- "Don't bother me. I've got my own problems!"
Say what you will of pedophiles, but you can't ignore their problem with immature ejaculation.
How do you get bubblegum out of your hair?
Cancer.
My doctor said I only have 1 year to live, so I killed him. Got sentenced to life in prison, problem solved!
In honor of Diddy:
The ice cream machine at McDonald's now works!
Maths...
....Addition, frustration, subtraction, aggression, depression.
