Priest's jokes
Why do Black people go to church so much?
Because the priest is the only father they know.
What's the difference between a Catholic priest and the devil?
The devil always has horns... not just around children.
What's a priest's favorite toy?
A mute little boy.
A girl walks into the church and confesses.
Girl: "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned."
Priest: "How have you sinned, may I ask?"
Girl: "I called a man a son of a bitch."
Priest: "Why did you call a man a son of a bitch?"
Girl: "He held my hand."
Priest: "Like this?" (He holds the girl's hand.)
Girl: "Yes, Father."
Priest: "That does not explain why you called a man a bitch."
Girl: "He started taking off my clothes."
Priest: "Like this?" (He takes off the girl's clothes.)
Girl: "Yes, Father."
Priest: "That also doesn't explain why you called the man a bitch."
Girl: "Then he took off his clothes and put his you know what into my you know what."
Priest: "Like this?" (He puts his you know what into her you know what.)
Girl: "Yes, Father! Yes, Father!"
Priest: "Then what?"
Girl: "Then he got up and left me naked."
Priest: "That son of a bitch!"
What is an Italian massage?
An Italian Catholic priest giving a blowjob inside the confessional booth during Lent.
Or Holy Oils work
Why is sucking cock inside the confessional booth the only thing that a catholic priest doesn't have to give up for lent?
Because catholic priests don't have to be vegetarians during lent.
After arriving home from helping the priest, a young altar boy approaches his parents, "Mommy, Daddy, my poop is white!"
The mother rushes the boy to the hospital, while the father rushes to church in a rage and proceeds to beat the living hell out of the priest. Afterwards, the father heads to the hospital and meets his wife in the waiting room; she's surprisingly calm.
"How can you be so relaxed after what that bastard has been doing to our son?" he exclaims.
The wife looks up at him, "What are you talking about? It's just a liver infection!"
Q: What do priests have in common with McDonald's?
A: They both put their meat in 13-year-old buns.
What's the difference between a priest and a rabbi? A rabbi cuts it off, a priest sucks it off.
What is the difference between a priest and anesthesia?
The anesthesia takes time to put you under.
Two priests are in a bar. One says to the other priest, "I'll swap you two fives for a ten."
Why did the priest want to learn how to play the organ?
He wanted to be able to finger A minor.
Two priests walk into a store, and cops come up to them and say they’re looking for a child molester, and the priests both say, "I’ll do it!"
What do priests and doctors have in common?
They both do physicals on kids.
What’s the difference between acne and a Catholic priest?
Acne waits till you’re 13 to come on your face.
What do gay guys and priests have in common?
They are both gay in their own ways.
A police officer pulls over two Catholic priests. He says he's looking for two child molesters.
The Catholic priests look at each other: "We'll do it!"
Why are people suspicious when a priest yells "Attention Kmart shoppers"?
Boy's pants are half off.
What kind of sex do priests love?.
Nun.
A priest says to me, "Come up, my child." Then I said, "Do I know you? Because you're not my father."