Priest's jokes
What is a priest's favorite song?
-- Magic Flute in A minor.
What do Catholic priests and school shooters have in common?
They both like to dump their loads into little kids.
What's similar between a priest and McDonald's?
They both shove their meat in between 10 year old buns.
What did the choir boy sing to the priest? Nothing, his mouth was full.
A priest asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair, "Any last requests?" "Yes," replied the murderer, "Will you please hold my hand?"
What is a reversed exorcism?
It's when it's the demon who's telling the priest to get out of the child's body.
A man walks up to a priest. The man says, "I am Jesus Christ." The priest says, "No, you are not my son." The man says, "Follow me." The man walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "Jesus Christ, you're back!"
What is the difference between a Catholic priest and acne? -- Acne comes on your face after you turn 13.
Why do priests like kids in wheelchairs? Because they can’t run.
I was raised a Catholic, and my priest told me when I was 12, "God is watching you when you masturbate."
I said, "Is God a pedophile too, Father?"
What do you call a priest in a room full of naked boys?
A colonoscopy.
What's the difference between a Catholic Priest and a pedophile?
One is Catholic.
Why did the Catholic priest suck dick at a glory hole?
Because someone asked him what he would do for a Klondike bar.
What's the difference between a silver medal and a priest?
They both came in a little behind.
What's the difference between a rabbi and a priest? One cuts them off and one sucks them off.
A priest was driving down the road when a cop pulled him over.
The cop asked him if he had anything to drink. The priest said just water.
The cop said, "Then why can I smell wine?"
The priest said, "Good Lord, it happened again!"
The worst part about church is that you're constantly switching between sitting, standing, and kneeling. I mean, why can't the priest just pick a position and f**k me already!
A Catholic priest finds a young boy crying at the top of a cliff.
“What’s wrong? Why are you crying?”
The boy points down. “Mummy and Daddy were in the car and it went over the edge.”
The priest can see the flaming wreck below. He looks around and sees no one else is about and starts to unbutton his belt.
“It’s really not your day, is it?”
Apparently, as a 4-year-old, Hitler was saved from drowning in the river Passau by a local priest.
Goes to show once more that a lot of problems would be solved if priests could just keep their hands off kids.
What is a reverse exorcism? It is when the Devil tries to pull a priest out of a child.