Priest's jokes

What is the difference between a priest and McDonald's? Nothing, they both stick their meat in between 12-year-old buns.

What do you call a Mexican fighting a Catholic priest?

Alien vs. Predator.

I heard there was a kidnapping.

Don't worry, he woke up in the back of a van.

It was his father's friend who was a priest.

He was just bringing him to church.

Why is a priest called "father?" It's too weird to call them "daddy."

What does McDonald's and priests have in common?

They put their meat inside 10 year olds.

What is the difference between a priest and a zit?

The zit waits until you're twelve to come on your face.

What do McDonald's and priests have in common?

They both shove their meat into 10-year-old buns.

This guy comes knocking on the door in hell and speaks to God. "Please let me out, it is too cold in here!"

God is all confused. "There is a big fire in there!" The guy answers, "Yes, there is, but you cannot get near it. All the bishops, cardinals, and priests are sitting around it."

Why is Biden a priest?

So kids call him father.

What do you call an orphan who grows up to become a priest?

Father Les.

A housewife takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work, not aware that her 9-year-old son was hiding in the closet. Her husband came home unexpectedly, so she hid her lover in the closet. The boy now has company.

Boy: "Dark in here." Man: "Yes, it is." Boy: "I have a baseball." Man: "That's nice." Boy: "Want to buy it?" Man: "No, thanks." Boy: "That's my dad outside." Man: "How much did you say the baseball was again?" Boy: "$250."

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the mom's lover are in the closet together.

Boy: "Dark in here." Man: "Yes, it is." Boy: "I have a baseball glove." Man: "That's nice." Boy: "Want to buy it?" Man: "No, thanks." Boy: "I think I just remembered something I needed to tell my dad." Man: "How much did you say the glove was again?" Boy: "$750." Man: "Fine."

A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove. Let's go outside and toss the baseball!" The boy says, "I can't. I sold them." The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?" The son says, "$1,000." The father says, "It's terrible to overcharge your friends like that. That is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."

They go to church and the father alerts the priest and makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and closes the door.

The boy says, "Dark in here." The priest says, "Do not start that shit again!"

HELP! HELP!

TELL THE PRIEST TO STOP TICKLING ME!

Why do people call priests "Father"?

Because it’s too suspicious to call them "Daddy."

Why did the orphan grow up to be a priest?

So he could be called Father Les.

In the movie "Cars 2", there is a priest, which means car Jesus died for the sins of the cars.

What did the priest say when he walked into an elementary school?

Let us prey.

Why are Demons dying from Priestwater? The soul from a Priest is completely different.

What’s a similarity between a priest and McDonald’s?

They both shove their meat between 10 year old buns.

A German priest went to America for a few months. Unfortunately for him, he did not speak the best English. He stayed with a beautiful, young single woman who worked at a nearby orphanage.

Every day, he visited her in the orphanage, and he always brought her small gifts, and of course to the young children.

The young woman thought the priest was flirting with him, and she knew he was not married. She left that thought in the back of her mind for a few weeks.

A few weeks later, she finally brought up her nerve to ask him. She asked him why he always visited her, and why all the gifts for her and the children.

Of course, due to his bad English, he struggled a bit with his sentence, but he said in his thick German accent, "Vell, I visit you and your, your littles, because the kind girls here are very beautiful and cute."

She was quite amused, and blushed a bit. The man was also a bit nervous, and appeared to want to leave her office.

The Priest then excused himself, and went to read the orphans a bedtime story.

He then muttered to himself, "Ach, she's catching on to me! Stupid! Zey are called little girls and boys, not child boys and girls."

What's the difference between a peanut and a priest?

With a peanut, you have to break the shell open for the nut to come out.