Priest's

Priest's jokes

Suicide

    • A Muslim is about to commit suicide when a Catholic priest stops him.

    "What are you doing?!" exclaims the priest.

    "There is nothing on this Earth for me," the Muslim says. "I will commit suicide to go to paradise and get 72 virgins!"

    The priest shakes his head.

    "Foolish Muslim, suicide is not the way!" he says.

    "Follow me, I'll take you to the local primary school."

  • 15

    • Priest

    • One day, a priest is walking down the street and sees a little girl with a box. "What's in the box?" the priest asks. "Christian kittens," the little girl answers.

    Pleased, the priest smiles and continues on his way.

    A week later, the same priest is walking down the street with a nun when he sees the little girl and the box again. "Ask her what she has in the box," he says, "It's the cutest thing!"

    The nun walks up and asks the girl what she has in the box. "Atheist kittens," she says.

    The priest rushes forward and says, "ATHEIST KITTENS!!! Last week you said they were 'Christian kittens!!!'"

    "They were," she says. "Now their eyes are open."

  • 6

    • Priest

    • Why do Catholic priests make the best cocksuckers for gay and bisexual men that are members of the Catholic Church?

    Because there are glory holes inside of the confessional booths.

  • 1
    • Priest's memes

    Priest

    • On a hot summer's day, a famous celebrity tweeted, "It is a beautiful day, and I'm deciding which kid to have fun with today." To which the local priest replied, "I too am deciding which of your kids to have fun with today."

  • 3

    • Wine

    • A Priest and a Rabbi walk into a bar.

    These two have been great friends for over 20 years...play golf together...and meet every Tuesday at a classy bar for a glass of wine...talk about golf...good wine and spiritual matters. One day while at the bar enjoying a glass of merlot, the Rabbi raises his glass of wine and says to his long time friend.."brother, do you believe Jesus turned water into wine?"...the Priest thinks for a moment and raises his glass of wine and replies..."yes brother, I do believe Jesus turned water into wine...but don't get excited...since Jesus was Jewish, the wine was probably Manischewitz."

  • 0

    • Confession

    • A girl goes to a Church to confess.

    Girl: "Forgive me father for I have sinned."

    Priest: "What have you done my child?"

    Girl: "I called a man a son of a bitch."

    Priest: "Why did you call him a son of a bitch?"

    Girl: "Because he touched my hand."

    Priest: "Like this?" (as he touches her hand)

    Girl: "Yes father."

    Priest: "That's no reason to call a man a son of a bitch."

    Girl: "Then he touched my breast."

    Priest: "Like this?" (as he touched her breast)

    Girl: "Yes father."

    Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."

    Girl: "Then he took off my clothes, father."

    Priest: "Like this?" (as he takes off her clothes)

    Girl: "Yes father."

    Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."

    Girl: "Then he stuck his you know what into my you know where."

    Priest: "Like this?" (as he stuck his you know what into her you know where)

    Girl: "YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES FATHER!!!"

    (after a few minutes)

    Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."

    Girl: "But father, he had AIDS!"

    Priest: "THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!"

  • 1

    • Priest

    • Why did the Catholic priest suck dick at a glory hole?

    Because someone asked him what he would do for a Klondike bar.

    Priest

    • What's the difference between a drill and a priest?

    Nothing, they both like screwing stuff!

  • 1

    • Children

    • A priest and a rabbi run out of a burning building.

    Priest: What about the children, Rabbi?

    Rabbi: Fuck the children!

    Priest: Do we have time?