Priest's jokes
What's the difference between a priest and Woody from Toy Story?
Woody goes limp when a kid walks in the room.
What is a reverse exorcism?
It’s when the demon tells the priest to get out of the child’s body.
Ever heard of a reverse exorcism? It’s when the Devil tells the priest to exit the child’s body.
How do men like their women? Striped.
How does a priest like their children? Clean.
Why are most orphans strippers? They want to call someone mommy or daddy.
What is the difference between a stripper and candy? None. But they like it when you take the wrapper off.
What does McDonald's and a Catholic priest have in common?
They both put their meat in 10-year-old buns.
Guy: Why can't Jesus have M&M's?
Priest: Why?
Guy: Because they'll fall through the hole in his hands.
What do a priest and a pedo have in common?
Nothing, they both like kids.
What did the priest say when he walked into an elementary school?
Let us prey.
What do you call a Mexican fighting a Catholic priest?
Alien vs. Predator.
A normal exorcism is getting a demon out of a person, but a reverse exorcism is the devil telling the priest to get out of the child.
What do priests give children?
Syphilis.
A pedophile and a priest run a race.
You can’t beat yourself in a race!
What is the difference between a priest and anesthesia?
The anesthesia takes time to put you under.
Why are people suspicious when a priest yells "Attention Kmart shoppers"?
Boy's pants are half off.
Why did the orphan grow up to be a priest?
So he could be called Father Les.
If you got a priest, a Rhodes scholar, and a politician in a room, what would you get?
The Royal Commission.
Alternatively, Tony Abbott.
My friend just told me about reverse exorcisms.
In these, the demon tells the priest to get out of the child.
A guy asks his priest friend what he wants to eat, and the priest says "bad boys." Then his friend asks, "What kebab do you want?" and the priest says, "B Bricked up Caucasian or Asian will do."
I heard there was a kidnapping.
Don't worry, he woke up in the back of a van.
It was his father's friend who was a priest.
He was just bringing him to church.
What did the priest say during the christening?
"So anyway, I started blasting!"