Priest's jokes
What do a priest and a pedo have in common?
Nothing, they both like kids.
What's the difference between a peanut and a priest?
With a peanut, you have to break the shell open for the nut to come out.
A normal exorcism is getting a demon out of a person, but a reverse exorcism is the devil telling the priest to get out of the child.
What do you call a Mexican fighting a Catholic priest?
Alien vs. Predator.
Why did the orphan grow up to be a priest?
So he could be called Father Les.
I heard there was a kidnapping.
Don't worry, he woke up in the back of a van.
It was his father's friend who was a priest.
He was just bringing him to church.
If you got a priest, a Rhodes scholar, and a politician in a room, what would you get?
The Royal Commission.
Alternatively, Tony Abbott.
Why are people suspicious when a priest yells "Attention Kmart shoppers"?
Boy's pants are half off.
My friend just told me about reverse exorcisms.
In these, the demon tells the priest to get out of the child.
What is the difference between a priest and anesthesia?
The anesthesia takes time to put you under.
A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into a bar.
The bartender looks at them and says, “What is this – a joke?”
A guy asks his priest friend what he wants to eat, and the priest says "bad boys." Then his friend asks, "What kebab do you want?" and the priest says, "B Bricked up Caucasian or Asian will do."
Q: What's the difference between me and a priest? A: A priest isn't turned on by dead children.
What's the difference between a priest and Woody from Toy Story?
Woody goes limp when a kid walks in the room.
I love going to church to get closer to God, but my least favorite part of church has to be touching the priest’s penis.
What has 2 legs and loves to play with little kids? The local priest.
A guy was dying after getting stabbed in a church. He said to the priest, "Please say a prayer for me," and the priest said, "I ain’t got nun left." Then he died.
What do you call an orphan that grows to be a priest?
Fatherless.
Why is a priest different from acne?
Acne waits to come on your face.
A priest asks a convicted murderer on the electric chair, "Do you have any last request?"
"Yes," said the murderer, "Will you hold my hand?"