Priest's jokes
I love going to church to get closer to God, but my least favorite part of church has to be touching the priest’s penis.
What do you call an orphan that grows to be a priest?
Fatherless.
What has 2 legs and loves to play with little kids? The local priest.
What's the difference between a drill and a priest?
Nothing, they both like screwing stuff!
I went up to a priest and asked if he participated in NNN. He replied, "How can I, with all these people calling me daddy?"
Why do they call priests "father?" Because it's too suspicious to call him "daddy!"
A priest is struck by lightning and lays hurt on the ground.
When medical crew arrives he denies them, saying, "God will surely save me!"
The medical team tries to help him, but he keeps struggling and eventually dies.
Later in the afterlife, he screams at God, saying, "Why didn't you save me? Am I not dear to you?"
God answered, "B****, I sent you a f***ing ambulance and you denied it!"
Do you know where priests go at night?
To all night sale at Boys R Us.
My uncle was a priest.
He had a two-inch penis, but when it was in my ass, it felt like a torpedo.
After arriving home from helping the priest, a young altar boy approaches his parents, "Mommy, Daddy, my poop is white!"
The mother rushes the boy to the hospital, while the father rushes to church in a rage and proceeds to beat the living hell out of the priest. Afterwards, the father heads to the hospital and meets his wife in the waiting room; she's surprisingly calm.
"How can you be so relaxed after what that bastard has been doing to our son?" he exclaims.
The wife looks up at him, "What are you talking about? It's just a liver infection!"
What do gay guys and priests have in common?
They are both gay in their own ways.
What do Priests and School shooters have in common?
They both blast little kids in the face.
What do you call an orphan who grows up to become a priest?
Father Les.
What is the difference between a priest and a zit?
The zit waits until you're twelve to come on your face.
What’s a similarity between a priest and McDonald’s?
They both shove their meat between 10 year old buns.
Q: What do you call a Mexican fighting a Catholic priest?
A: Alien vs. Predator.
A rapist, pedophile, and a priest walk into a bar. He orders a beer.
Same person.
A priest, a pedo, and a rapist walk into a bar and that's just the first guy.
Man: I must confess, Father.
Priest: What are you here to confess?
Man: I hit my wife and blamed her for what happened to our son.
Priest: And what happened to your son?
Man: He said a man raped him.
Priest: When and where did this happen?
Man: A local church. I don't know which one.
Priest: ...By whom?
Man: A priest, he said. He said the priest had black hair and blue eyes, kind of like you.
Priest: ...Shit
What’s the difference between a Catholic priest and a zit?
A zit will wait until you’re twelve before it comes on your face.