Priest's jokes
Now I know what my priest meant by the second coming!
A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into a bar.
The bartender looks at them and says, “What is this – a joke?”
Q: What's the difference between me and a priest? A: A priest isn't turned on by dead children.
Why can't you make jokes about catholic priests?
Because they blow up in your face.
A guy was dying after getting stabbed in a church. He said to the priest, "Please say a prayer for me," and the priest said, "I ain’t got nun left." Then he died.
What do you call an orphan that grows to be a priest?
Fatherless.
What has 2 legs and loves to play with little kids? The local priest.
So I saw a bag full of children near a dumpster. I guess we know where the orphans are when the parents didn’t want them.
Wouldn’t want to hope a Catholic priest comes along, otherwise the priest will have new sex toys.
Why is a priest different from acne?
Acne waits to come on your face.
How many altar boys does it take to screw in a light bulb? Depends on how dark the priests' basement is.
What do you call an orphan who became a priest?
Father-less.
My father touched me yesterday. I called him a priest.
What did the priest say to the other priest during baptism?
"We better clean our sex toys before we play with them."
What's the difference between a priest and McDonald's? They both stick their meat in 10-year-old buns.
I went up to a priest and asked if he participated in NNN. He replied, "How can I, with all these people calling me daddy?"
Why do they call priests "father?" Because it's too suspicious to call him "daddy!"
What's the difference between a drill and a priest?
Nothing, they both like screwing stuff!
A priest is struck by lightning and lays hurt on the ground.
When medical crew arrives he denies them, saying, "God will surely save me!"
The medical team tries to help him, but he keeps struggling and eventually dies.
Later in the afterlife, he screams at God, saying, "Why didn't you save me? Am I not dear to you?"
God answered, "B****, I sent you a f***ing ambulance and you denied it!"
Do you know where priests go at night?
To all night sale at Boys R Us.
My uncle was a priest.
He had a two-inch penis, but when it was in my ass, it felt like a torpedo.