President jokes

Hey JFK, what would you do if you were in a fight?

JFK: Well, I'd give them a piece of my mind.

Did you ever think that John F. Kennedy went for a ride in Dallas just to clear his head?

People claim that Trump has Russian ties. That’s not true, just some crazy conspiracy theorists. All of Trump's ties are made in China.

Do you know Putin?

Put in these balls in your mouth.

Why is it that when Donald Trump and Melania make love, she is always on top?

Donald Trump can only F@#k up.

The Pentagon is changing the nuclear codes to over 140 characters, ...

so Trump can't tweet it.

A man goes into heaven and there he meets Jesus. He asks Jesus what that broken clock is there for. Jesus says, "That is Mother Teresa's clock, it has never moved because she has never lied." "There is Abraham Lincoln's clock. He has lied twice so it has moved twice." "Where is Donald Trump's?" asks the man. Jesus answers, "It is in my office, I am using it as a ceiling fan."

What are the differences between Santa and Joe Biden?

The kids actually want to sit on Santa’s lap.

It's no surprise Donald Trump moved to Florida. That's where the oranges are.

We're skipping April Fools' Day this year. The biggest joke is already sitting in office running our country.

What was the last thing to go through JFK's mind?

A bullet.

A class is being taught when Bill Clinton walks in. He asks the class, "What is a tragedy?"

One kid, named Jim, raises his hand and says, "If my family and I got ran over by a truck, that would be a tragedy." Bill Clinton replies, "That would be an accident, not a tragedy."

A couple of seconds later, Audrey raises her hand and says, "If a school shooting would happen and 10 kids died, that would be a tragedy." Bill Clinton replies once again with: "That would be a great loss, not a tragedy." All of the kids are confused now when all of a sudden Matthew says, "If you and Hillary Clinton were on an airplane and it got blown up, that would be a tragedy!"

"Yes!" Says Bill Clinton "How do you know?" Matthew says happily, "It is definitely not an accident, and certainly not a great loss!"

Q: If George Washington was alive today, what would he do?

A: Scratch mercilessly at the coffin walls, while screaming at the top of his lungs!

We all know that Lincoln and Kennedy are the most open-minded presidents in the world.

Joe Biden walks into the White House kitchen.

"Are those brownies I smell?" he asks.

"Indeed, they are," he was told.

"Gee," he says, "they smell nothing like Girl Scouts!"

With numerous reports of Donald Trump's odor and Kelly Clarkson's lack of hygienic habits... proof that money doesn't buy cleanliness.

What category of music did JFK like?

You could say he was a metalhead.

Trump's medical records were just released. According to the brain scan, the left side of his brain has nothing right, while the right side has nothing left.

Question: Why did Donald Trump convert to Judaism?

Answer: Because he heard that Vladimir Putin likes to drink vodka with "Orange Jews"!

Why can't Biden play chess?

Because he doesn't have the towers.