President jokes
When Trump goes to the beach, he doesn't use suntan lotion. He uses Dorito dust, and it stays on for the rest of his life.
Donald Trump travels back in time to talk to his 10-year-old self.
When he sees himself, he says, "Do you see me? I am you, but almost 70 years older."
His 10-year-old self asks him, "Am I going to be famous?"
Trump replies, "Oh yeah, I became president of the United States. Not once. Twice!"
10-year-old Donald was shocked. But he became even more shocked when he heard the next sentence from his current self: "And now take off your pants!"
What do you call the Christian version of Donald Trump? Holy shit!
At the back of Abraham Lincoln's mind, next to the bullet hole, he was thinking about how slavery is wrong.
Why was going through JFK's head when he was getting assassinated? A bullet.
Biden
Hillary for president.
The last thing that went through Abe Lincoln's head was a bullet.
Donald Trump announced he will run for prez today. His hair will on Friday.
Biden: Shut up, Trump, disrespectful!
President: You are the one with the inappropriate hair touching, bro. 😎😎😎😎😎😎
Biden: -laughs hard because sloppy Joe can't do anything.
Why does Trump play Minecraft?
'Cause he can build walls.
What's the difference between Obama and Trump?
Obama was a president and Trump was a whiny bitch!
Why does Trump "not" wear glasses? Because he's got 20/20 vision!
What do you call a bullet head?
JFK.
Vote Biden or Trump, I like neither, but I want to know what the world would say. (Don't judge other people.)
What is orange and will soon be wearing prison orange? Trump.
My favorite sex position is the JFK:
I splatter all over her as she screams and tries to get out of the car.
Why does Trump always ensure he has a second pair of pants with him every weekend?
In case he gets a hole in one.
Why is Donald Trump under so much stress?
Because he signed up to be on an album where somebody says "no love for the rich" on it.
Did you hear they just took Biden to the hospital?
No, what happened?
He couldn’t stop pootin!