Newest Pregnancy Jokes - Page 4

mom, mom I'm holding my little brother's hand ..... little Johnny good! but he's not born yet

What starts with 'M' and ends in 'arrige' and is a mans favourite thing Miscarriage this joke never gets old just like the baby

The popular girl told me "I bet your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory!" Two weeks later, She shows up pregnant.

... I guess her rubber broke too

what does a cannibal call a pregnant women,

a kinder surprise egg.

A women just went through laber,she ask the doctor"was it a healthy delivery"the doctor replies"it wasn't delivery,it's digiorno"

Have u ever noticed When a woman is pregnant aII her friends touch her stomach and say "congrats" but none of them touch the man's penis and say "weII done"

Why doesn't Barbie ever get pregnant? Because Ken comes in a different box!

I was gonna tells dead baby joke but I decided to abort

What happens when an angel and nun "have some fun, and forget pills"?

The nun gets pregNUNt.

(wow two pregnancy jokes in a row)

Wife: Hi honey im pregnant.

Husband: Hi pregnant im dad.

Wife: No your not....

A woman is in the hospital giving birth. The doctor comes up to her afterwards.

Dr: "I'm sorry, I have good news and bad news."

Woman: "What's the bad news?"

Dr: "Your baby is Ginger."

Woman: "Ok, so what's the good news?"

Dr: "It's dead!!!"

So this women had a job she wanted to hang out with her boyfriend the she lied about having corona virus then she got out of work then she was texting her boss when she thought she was texting her boyfriend then she said i lied now we can you no water sigh lick sigh then her boss texted Ew and YOUR FIRED. one more story one day this teen named alexis got kicked out of a house then went to live with her bf then she got pregnant posted it all on social media

I was about to make a baby joke but then decided to abort

A womens knitters group is having a meeting and they are all pregnant. They all talk about their pregnancies. One woman says "I'm taking vitamin C so my baby has a healthy immune system". Another knitter says "I'm taking Folic acid to help my baby's brain". Finally one woman says "I'm taking Thalidomide". All the women turn to her and say "Thalidomide ! Don't you know your baby could be born without arms?" The woman shrugs her shoulders and says "I don't know how to knit arms". (Told to me by a woman knitter)

What's similar between a fetus and a failed mission?

You abort it

What does a freshly pregnant teen and her baby share?

They both think "Mom's probably going to kill me"

So one day I was walking home from school with my best friend sally. She was worried to get home because she was going to tell her mom that bob the class rep got her pregnant a eight months ago and now it was obvious she was pregnant. So I said “sally it’ll be ok I’m sure she’ll be happy to get a grandson” “yeah thanks suzy” she said to me then went into her house. The next few weeks she didn’t show up to school so I was like oh she must be in trouble with her mom I’ll go check on her So I walk up to her house and her mom answers with a baby boy in her hands “oh hello. Is that Sally’s son!! Can I see sally?” Her mom says sure and I go inside but she leads me to the backyard and I see a tombstone “here lies sally 2004-2020” so I ask her mom in tears “oh did she not make it through the birth?” And her mom replied “you could say that..”