Pregnancy jokes
When you pull out, but the baby's face turns blue.
l li
ll l_
Abortion, it really brings out the kid in you.
Any joke can be funny with the right delivery, except abortion jokes, because then there is no delivery.
Why did the goat have an abortion?
Because she already had too many kids!
Did you hear about the unborn fetus? Oh wait, never mind, it must have been aborted from the sight.
What's similar between a pregnant 14 y/o girl and the foetus inside of her?
They both are thinking "My mom's gonna kill me!"
What is 6" long, bright red, and your wife cries when you feed it to her?
Her miscarriage.
Hey, wanna hear an abortion joke? Never mind, I can't deliver it.
A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of childbirth to the father. He asks if it is okay to use the new device. The couple agrees, and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing. They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing. They keep doing this until they have the machine up to 100%. The man still felt nothing so they go home happy, until they find the milkman dead on the porch.
My father is like Houdini. When he heard his girlfriend was pregnant, he disappeared.
What’s the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
You can unscrew a light bulb.
What's a perfect example of poor management? A prostitute getting pregnant.
How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant?
He forgot to wrap his Whopper.
What's the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant woman? You can unscrew the lightbulb.
What's red and runs up your leg?
A homesick abortion.
What's better than throwing up a stillborn?
Making your wife eat it again.
What is round and squishy? A dead baby's head.
What’s red, slimy, and makes my wife scream? Two failed abortions!
What's red, 6 inches long, and makes my girlfriend cry when I feed it to her?
Her miscarriage.