Pregnancy jokes
What's a perfect example of poor management? A prostitute getting pregnant.
How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant?
He forgot to wrap his Whopper.
What's the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant woman? You can unscrew the lightbulb.
What's red and runs up your leg?
A homesick abortion.
What's better than throwing up a stillborn?
Making your wife eat it again.
What is round and squishy? A dead baby's head.
What’s red, slimy, and makes my wife scream? Two failed abortions!
What's red, 6 inches long, and makes my girlfriend cry when I feed it to her?
Her miscarriage.
Mom said dad had the best pullout game... now I'm an uncle.
Mama Mia's pizzeria and abortion clinic. Your loss is our sauce.
What do women have on an empty stomach? A miscarriage.
What's red, white, and blue and crawls up your leg?
A homesick abortion.
A miscarriage always brings the child out in me.
What is 6 inches long and makes women scream? Stillbirth...
If babies stay in their mothers for 9 months, are they not 9 months old when they are born?
What's the same between a pregnant 14 year old and her fetus? They're both saying "Oh my god, my mom's gonna kill me!"
What do an abortion and a baby have in common?
The mom doesn't want either of them.
The doctor says to the woman, "There was good and bad news." The woman says she wants the bad news first. The doctor says, "The bad news is the baby had red hair." Then he said, "The good news is, it is dead."
Ring ring.
Abortion clinic!
Where no fetus can beat us.
What is a similarity between a pregnant 14-year-old and the fetus inside of her?
They both are thinking, "Shit! Mom is gonna kill me!"