North Korea and the Martians were fighting about who was going to reach Venus first. Trump steps in and says, "That doesn't matter, America is going to land on the sun first." The Martians and North Korea said, "You can't land on the sun, it's too hot and you will die." Trump said his brilliant plan, "America is going to land there at night."
Trump, Must I say more?
Why are Trump's ties so long?
Because they go all the way to Russia.
The Pentagon is changing the nuclear codes to over 140 characters, ...
so Trump can't tweet it.
What do Japanese men do when they vote? -- They have an erection.
How's Donald Trump going to get rid of all the Mexicans? -- Juan by Juan.
Apparently Monica Lewinsky didn't vote for Hillary Clinton this election. She said the last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in her mouth.
What does Bill say to Hillary after sex? -- "Honey, I'll be home in 20 minutes."
Why does Bill Clinton wear boxers? -- To keep his ankles warm.
9 out of 10 doctors recommend for children to drink water instead of soda. -- That 1 doctor lives in Flint, Michigan.
What’s the difference between a politician and a flying pig? -- The letter F.
Donald Trump wants to ban the sale of pre-shredded cheese. -- He wants to make America grate again.
If Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump are in a boat and it capsizes. Who survives? -- America.
What is Donald Trump’s favorite nation? – Discrimination.
What do you call disabled people that follow politics?
A special interest group.
