Politics jokes
Random guy: Come on, Bin Laden, time is ticking. Get it, ticking. OK, I'll leave.
When you fail art school.
"You're the bomb."
"No, you're the bomb."
A compliment in the US, an argument in the Middle East.
What did one cheese say to the other cheese?
"Hello, it's a nice day, do you have any plans on what you're going to do?"... The other cheese was taken back by his politeness and friendliness, they agreed to meet again, and were soon married and lived happily ever after. Let this tale of the two cheeses inspire you to be a better person.
Germany does a backflip. America: What is happening?
France: Want a baguette?
USSR: Help!
Why did the French call Napoleon "Napo?" Because it is Napo[leon].
Why does the president take so long to deliver each sentence?
He’s just Biden his time.
My sister is so stupid, she thought LBJ was a blow job.
What do Japanese men do when they vote?
They have an erection.
Barack Obama and Tork Poettschke are at the Natural History Museum. They stop in front of a showcase.
"These are the eggs from the ostrich!"
"Aha, and where are Trump's eggs?"
Why was Trump banned from music class? He kept putting his finger on D minor.
What was Clinton encouraged to get in college? A minor.
Your mom's so fat, she annexed Crimea!
How do you anger a Libertarian?
Don't tell him the truth.
What's Osama Bin Laden's favorite drink?
A double Manhattan.
One day, the Pope is coming to America in his limo, and he said to the driver, "Why don’t you let me drive for once?"
The driver thinks to himself, "Well, I can’t say no to this guy; he’s the Pope." So the driver pulls over, and they change places. The Pope was having fun, hauling butt down the freeway, dogging cars. After a while, the driver taps on the window and tells the Pope, "Slow down a bit; you might get pulled over."
The Pope says, "Ahhh, don’t worry about it; I’m the Pope." So he rolls up the window and continues to drive very fast. After a few moments, he gets pulled over. The cop walks to the car, and the Pope rolls down the tinted window. The cop sees the Pope and says, "Oh, I, ehhh, sorry, can you hold on a minute?"
The Pope says, "Sure." The cop walks back to his car and radios back to the station. He says, "Guys, I just pulled over someone really important."
They ask who, "The President?"
"No, more important."
"The president of another country?"
"No, more important."
"An ambassador?"
"No, even more important."
"Well, who is it?"
"I don’t know, but the Pope is the chauffeur."
Question; Why do they call Melania Trump the "Walk-In" Freezer?
Answer; Because it's where everyone goes to "Hang Their Meat"!
The department of touch yourself is coming to the UK near you. I hope Scotland gets freedom. I can't wait to leave England and live in Scotland.
Where do terrorists go for food? The Allah snack bar.
Who is the most horny and fat ass god?
Kim Jung Un.
Roses are red, violets are blue, Tory shirts step in doodoo.