Politics Jokes

Anonymous
in Trump

What is Donald Trump’s favorite nation? – Discrimination.

4
Fortiniyt or le babg

Look, im innocent. I was just going on vacation in NY. But my co-polit said: hit it with ur best shot.

Anonymous
in Breakfast

It was 7:00am when Billy ran downstairs after a long night of sleep, he got to the kitchen where his mother and father sat, “What would you like for breakfast?” Billy’s mom asked politely, Billy replied with “whatever dad gave you last night in your bedroom would be great! You seemed to like it very much!”

smartass

A man decides on a day that it is time to buy a pet. He goes to the pet store, looks around and sees a beautiful parrot, sitting quietly on a stick in his cage. Yet the beast has no feet and paws. “What is the matter with you?” the man thinks aloud. “Well, that’s how I was born, I’m actually a faulty parrot” says the bird. “Haha,” the man laughs, “it seems like that parrot understands what I’m saying and even answers!” “I understand everything you say, I am extremely intelligent and very well educated,” says the bird. “Well, if you’re so smart then tell me how you can stay on your stick without legs.” “Well,” says the parrot, “it’s a bit embarrassing, but okay, I wrap my little parrot penis around the stick, like a hook, but I hide that with my thick feathers.” “Wow, you really understand everything I say, do not you?” “Yes, yes,” replies the bird, "and I speak Spanish and English fluently, I can speak on a level about almost everything, politics, religion, sport and philosophy and I specialize in bird science, you should buy me, I am also a very good friend for you. " The man looks at the price tag, 200 euros is on it. “Sorry, I can not afford that.” “Psst,” whispers the parrot as he beckons the man with his wing closer. "Nobody wants me because I do not have legs, just bid 25 euros and you can take me with you." The man offers 25 euros and walks 5 minutes later with the parrot out of the store. A few weeks pass. The parrot is sensational. He is fun and interesting, gives good advice, is sympathetic to everyone, in short; the perfect roommate and friend. One day the man comes home from work and the parrot says “Pssssssssssst” while he beckons his wing again. The man comes close to the cage. “I do not know if I should tell you this,” says the parrot, “but it’s about your wife and the postman.” “What!?” says the man. “Well, the postman came to the door and your wife greeted him in a nothing disguised nightgown and kissed him flat on the mouth.” “And then,” the man hisses, “What happened then?” “Well, the postman came in, grabbed her nightgown and started caressing her everywhere.” “My God,” says the now furious man, “And what else did they do?” “Then he took off her nightgown, went through his knees and started to lick her everywhere, starting at her breasts and getting further and further down.” “And then, what happened, what else did they do?” the man screams . “No idea,” says the papgaai, “I got a boner and thundered off my stick …”

3
AnonymousKendalton

What does Monica and Bill Clinton have in common…They both did not inhale. lol

Anonymous

How do you find out about the accomplishments of the former president of the united states James Earl Carter? read the label on the jar of skippy peanut butter

Anonymous

What is a glory hole at the adult book store used for? campaign contribution to the Republican Party

RallyCat2004

I was voting for Trump in the 2016 election. It’s been awhile since the last presidential assassination…

0
Anonymous

What do Japanese men do when they vote? – They have an erection.

2
Myron R

I’ve two dogs and two cats, and they are all Democrats…they want a handout everyday

Your name (optional)

Healthcare these days is a bit of an Obamanation.

Moose

Once I went to a museum and over heard someone speaking to an employee for information.

“These are lying clocks, they tell how many lies a person tells.”

“oh cool”

“this is mother Teresa’s clock, the clock hasn’t moved because she never lied.”

“Makes sense”

“This is Abraham Lincoln’s clock. The hands only moved twice indicating he only lied twice.”

“Where’s Trump’s clock”

“Oh, we’re using it as a ceiling fan.”

And then I burst out laughing 'cause it’s so true.

6
Anonymous

What’s the difference between a goverment and a pawn shop?

They lower you

Anonymous

Jason Kenney has never worried about putting food on the table for his kids. Knuckle babies don’t eat.

Anonymous
in Adult

What is the politically correct term for rabbit shit Raisins

Lerk
in Puns

A pair of souls were floating up to heaven when they passed a pair of eagles. Ah, eagles, said the souls. The eagles were too polite to say anything.

Anonymous

Okay, the joke’s over. Bring back Trump!