Politics jokes
Anyone else know that Hitler had only one testicle?
Maybe that's why he killed himself. Bro could never get any bitches!
What was one cool thing about Hitler?
He used to paint his thoughts on the wall with a gun.
Everyone's had a mind-blowing day before, just ask JFK.
Like this if you like me.
We all know that Lincoln and Kennedy are the most open-minded presidents in the world.
The Nazis.
Your hairline is so long that sometimes even the president doesn't know where it ends.
President: Them damn flat faced n**g*rs!!
Man: We have the power of the sun itself!
President: Drop it on them!
Man: You push the button.
President: *sigh* Fine give it to me.
Man: Hands over button
President: Pushes it
Both: YAAA!
President: Bumps into the button pressing it again
Both: Oh, sh*t!
Meanwhile in Japan after the first bomb went off
Japanese man: Ah sh*t here we go again
So, Biden, Zelensky, and Putin are on a plane, and the plane loses altitude and goes down, but there are 2 parachutes. Putin takes the first one and jumps because he is a greedy twat. So he jumps, but then Biden says, "You go, Zelensky. I am much older than you, and it is ok for me to die." So Zelensky takes the second one and jumps, but when he did, the plane regains altitude, and Biden got to Washington, DC, all fine. They found out the reason was Zelensky's steel balls.
What's the difference between a used condom and the UCP?
The condom was actually useful at one point.
Republicunts/Cuntservaturds.
What's worse than having a comedian as president? Having a president that has dementia.
"Ahoy, Spongebob! I just committed homicide in Syria, and the one-party state is after my fucking ass! Argagagagagaga!"
Why is the U.S. so mad about the Twin Towers? It was an accident. The pilots were new.
How is there evidence of climate change?
The liberal snowflakes are drastically melting down!
What does a pirate say to the president?? Spread your legs so I can get my treasure back.
Anthony Blinken's life sucks, and getting COVID-19 positive is the only positive thing that ever happened in his entire life!
People say towers can't move. Apparently, nobody told that to the Trade Centers.
Who got shot in the head? JFK did!
In a thick Russian accent:
"Let's buy some vodka, pollute the earth with oil, and make insecure nuclear power plants that break all the time! Ah, yes. The mother land. A great place to be. Not like those stupid Ukrainian people who are living happy lives, they are crazy and need to die."