"Jingle bells, Osama smells."
What is Trump's favorite snack?
Cheetos.
(Get it? He looks like a Cheeto!)
What did Hitler tell the eye doctor?
“I can na-zi.”
An American, a Cuban, a Russian, and a lawyer are sitting on a subway train, in the same seat. The Cuban pulls out a Cuban cigar for each person, and hands it out. The Cuban takes one puff of his cigar, and he throws it out the window. Everybody but the Cuban goes mad. "You just wasted an expensive Cuban cigar! How could you?" The Cuban simply says, "See, in Cuba, cigars are very cheap."
The other passengers are reassured and respond with, "Oh, OK."
The Russian takes out a small bottle of Russian vodka and pours a shot for all the passengers. The Russian downs his shot, and throws the vodka bottle out the window. The rest of the passengers are alarmed, once again. "You just destroyed an expensive bottle of Russian vodka! How could you?" The Russian simply states, "See, in Russia, vodka is very cheap." Yet again, the other passengers are reassured and respond with, "Ah, yes! Of course."
The American scratches his head and goes, "I think I see the pattern here." So he takes the lawyer, and he throws him out the window!
Hillary Clinton
I’ve two dogs and two cats, and they are all Democrats. They want a handout everyday.
Everyone's always saying they're so worried about America's big button, the one that controls all the nuclear power. I'm not worried about that... I'm worried about the idiot on the end of it.
What's Trump's favorite instrument?
A TRUMPet!!!
Why did Trump decide to build the wall?
Because China built a wall and they do not have any Mexicans.
Why is it that when Donald Trump and Melania make love, she is always on top?
Donald Trump can only F@#k up.
A pair of souls were floating up to heaven when they passed a pair of eagles. Ah, eagles, said the souls. The eagles were too polite to say anything.
What is white, black, and blue all at the same time?
Barack Obama.
Women's rights.
What do you say when Trump is still president during 2020? Magic!
Donald Trump is making hospitals so poor that they are using kidney beans for their transplants
Why can North Korea draw a straight line? Because they've got a supreme ruler.
What will Donald trump build in our devices? - A firewall
My favorite sex position is the JFK. I splatter all over her while she screams and tries to get out of the car.
What do you call a frozen communist?
Hammer and popsicle.
Who does Adolph Hitler call in an emergency?
Nein, nein, nein!
