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Why do people not play Uno with Mexicans? Because they are always stealing the green cards.

My wife told me I was immature. I just told her to get out of my pillow fort.

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  • You know chords, right? Well, you know what I love to do? To play with A-minor. You know, feel your fingers on A-minor. Gives you a sense of power, to just F A-minor.

    But that's not my favorite thing to fiddle with. That would be the D of minors. It's just solid, you know. If you're clever you can have the D of minors into the C of minors. Or, though a bit tricky, the D of minors into the B of minors.

    And at this point you've gotten the point and if I want to continue it would be a bit of a stretch.

    22 ants were playing football in a saucer.

    One ant said to another one, “We'll have to play better tomorrow. We're playing in the cup!”

    Why has Stephen Hawking stopped playing hide and seek with his wife? Because she keeps using a metal detector.

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  • Why was Cinderella banned from playing sports? Because she always ran away from the ball.

    Tits are like Lego bricks. They're there for the kid, but dad ends up playing with them.

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