Physics jokes
Why did the people think Stephen Hawking was disrespectful?
'Cause he didn't stand up for the national anthem.
Little Jimmy has 5 red apples. His dad's car will arrive in 20 minutes. Calculate the mass of the Sun.
Yo mama so fat she has her own gravity.
But she so ugly people are repelled by her.
Why doesn't Newton cut trees in vanilla Minecraft? Because he wants Minecraft to be realistic!
Fineman, Einstein, and Schrodinger walked into a bar.
Fineman says, "It appears we're inside a joke."
Einstein says, "But only to an observer who saw us walk in simultaneously."
To which Schrodinger says, "If someone's looking through the window, I'm leaving!"
Memes
If you drop an emo and a piece of paper out of a tree, you know what will hit the floor first? The paper, because the rope will stop the emo.
Your mamma is so fat that she has a gravitational pull.
Why did the kid throw the clock out the window? He wanted to see time fly.
Yo mama so fat that when she was on the moon, she had it sent right into the abyss of outer space.
Why did the dog cross the road twice?
Because he was trying to catch a boomerang.
Yo mama is so fat that she is not wrong when she says the world revolves around her.
I'd tell a science joke, but I was like, "Nah, it would get no reaction."
Q: How heavy is a photon?
A: It's light!
Why didn't the boy want to read "2000 Leagues Under the Sea"?
It was too much pressure.
What was Stephen Hawking's favorite band?
The Rolling Stones.
Why is there only a glory hole in the handicapped stall in some public men's restrooms?
Because a gay man that is not physically handicapped can't receive a blow job from a gay man that is physically handicapped under the handicapped stall.
You're so fat, you have your own gravitational pull.
Why is Newton not allowed to visit local farms?
The owners know that forces come in pears.
What does a physicist call it when a suicidal person is high up? Potential energy.
If your house is cold, just stand in the corner. It's always 90 degrees there.