Why can’t you trust an atom?
Because they make up literally everything.
A man was at the temperature -273.15°C. He was OK.
If God didn’t mean for us to have sex with 11-year-old girls, why did he make them so sexy and so much physically weaker?
A leaf and an emo fall from a tree. Which hits the ground first?
The leaf. The rope stopped the emo.
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Not Stephen Hawking."
Why did the people think Stephen Hawking was disrespectful?
'Cause he didn't stand up for the national anthem.
Little Jimmy has 5 red apples. His dad's car will arrive in 20 minutes. Calculate the mass of the Sun.
Why is there only a glory hole in the handicapped stall in some public men's restrooms?
Because a gay man that is not physically handicapped can't receive a blow job from a gay man that is physically handicapped under the handicapped stall.
Fineman, Einstein, and Schrodinger walked into a bar.
Fineman says, "It appears we're inside a joke."
Einstein says, "But only to an observer who saw us walk in simultaneously."
To which Schrodinger says, "If someone's looking through the window, I'm leaving!"