Phone jokes
Ahem... if somebody you don't like, or somebody random just calls you in general,
answer the phone with this:
"Hello, thank you for choosing Mama's Pizzeria/Abortion Clinic, your loss is our sauce, how may I help you?"
or
"Hello, this is David's Orphanage, you make them, we take them, how may I help you?"
Some people's reactions are priceless, and then they wonder about your mental health.
What do you call Thanatos' favorite app on his phone?
Why are there no good Indian actors? Because all the good ones are trying to get your bank details over the phone.
An ICE agent tells a Mexican that he can get his green card if he can use green, pink, and yellow correctly in a sentence. The Mexican thinks for a minute and says, "My phone goes green, green, and I pink it up and say yellow."
My Mum texted me she had lost her phone.
1. If being ugly was a crime, you would have a life sentence.
2. My phone battery lasts longer than your friendships.
3. There is a tree out there giving you oxygen, and you owe that tree an apology.
4. I don’t hate you, but I gotta unplug your life support to charge my phone.
5. When I saw your dad on the sidewalk, I didn’t laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.
6. If I had powers, I would make you the dumbest person alive, but it seems life already beat me to the punch.
7. If karma ever comes to punch ya in the face, I wanna be there to help it.
8. If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart, I’d be broke.
9. You are more disappointing than a cake without frosting.
10. Were you born on a highway, 'cause that’s where most accidents happen?
11. Wow, that hurts, now I know how it felt when your mom said that to ya.
12. You're the reason this country has to put directions on shampoo, and you may as well be the reason why the middle finger was invented.
I'm really bored. Can someone talk with me? None of my friends are responding to me :(
Why did the orphan get an iPhone X? Because there's no home button.
Someone butt-dialed me again yesterday. It seems that only assholes want to talk to me.
When the phone is ringing, Dad says, "If it's for me, don't answer it."
I did phone sex, but I'll never do it again because last time my penis got stuck in the charging cord.
Am I the only one who's on here because it's not blocked on the school laptop and I can't use my phone in class?
Cows go moo.
An orphan made an Instagram. He did not know what that symbol was on the bottom left hand corner.
So I walked into my bathroom to clean some stuff, and no one ever told me you can't put phones in the bathtub!
How many apps did he download?
Well, he did run out of storage.
My Grandma, like any other, got an APPLE IPHONE 12, but as we all know, we get dumb, and so we buy a phone. My grandma did not even know how to use it. She even said, "How do I go on Google?" I told her, "YOU CAN'T!" My grandma was, like, "Yeah right, how do I do it?"
Comment down below, does your grandma do this?
I gave a homeless person a phone but did not give him a home button.
Yo mama so fat that when she took a selfie, she needed two phones.
Why can Asian people buy phones?
'Cause they might call the wrong number.
The time is 9:11, time to put your phones on airplane mode.