Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
An chemist, a physicist, and a mathematician are stranded on an island when a can of food rolls ashore.
The chemist and the physicist come up with many ingenious ways to open the can. Then suddenly the mathematician gets a bright idea: "Assume we have a can opener..."
What's bright red and screams when you shake it? A skinned baby in a bag of salt.
Why did the camel cross the road?
Because it wanted to get to the bright green grass.
If I could be any creature, I would be a Unicorn because they are Beautiful, Majestic, Sparkly, Bright, Gods. They create Joy and Happiness everywhere they go.
Unicorns made my life better when I got to know them more. ^-^ They filled my life with more Happiness. I believe in the Unicorns, and they'll believe in me. I am not a Unicorn, although I am the Princess of the Unicorn Land, but if I could be any creature, I would be a Unicorn! :P
My child: "Dad, am I beautiful?"
Me: "You’re like the sun, sweetie. You’re painful to look at."
My future is so bright, I need a flashlight to see where I'm going.
Do you know why the Japanese have squinted eyes? Because nukes are bright.
9/11 was like the 4th of July. It was very bright in the skies.
Being an orphan isn't all bad. On the bright side, all your snacks are family-sized.
I'm jealous of my LED lights, 'cause they're hanging from the ceiling and I'm not.
Why do Asians have squinty eyes?
Because atomic bombs are pretty damn bright.
Why are Asian's eyes always squinted?
Nukes are bright.
Steven Hawking had dark humor.
Whenever he turned on his laugh effect, it diverted power from his screen brightness.
Good night, sleep tight, wake up bright in the morning light, to do what's right, with all your might.
When you look at the sun, it's like looking at me.
You're so brilliant and bright that the Sun wears sunglasses when you're near!
I got detention for giving an emo kid a glow stick... I tried to lighten his spirit.
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack. So he says, "Ms. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation."
Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow.
The frog says $30,000.
The teller asks his name and the frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's OK, he knows the bank manager.
Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan. She asks if he has anything he can use as collateral.
The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult with the manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000. He wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what the heck is this?"
The bank manager looks back at her and says: "It's a knick knack, Patti Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."
A man was kneeling on the church floor, crying desperately in front of the large wooden statue of Christ.
"My headphones are broken, Lord... I'm desperate... What should I do? Guide me!"
And the Lord appeared in the form of bright light, and the strong, deep voice filled the man's soul.
"WELL BUY NEW ONES, YOU DUMBASS!"
And so he did.
