Pet jokes
Why did the boy get a koala? He had the koalafications.
Hi! I love my dog.
What do you do with a dog that has no legs? Take him for a drag.
I went to the zoo but all I saw was a dog.
Yeah, it was a shih tzu.
There was once a young sister who never got anything good for her birthday, and she was sick of it. So one day the girl asked for a puppy, and the parents said yes.
When she got the puppy, he was nice, but the puppy needed food every two minutes. The parents eventually got sick of it and came up with a plan. Two weeks passed and the younger and less fat sister asked where her other sister was as she wanted to play Barbies. “And also, why haven’t you been feeding the dog? He needs food, you know.” The parents only answered with “Oh! Yes, you can have a room all to yourself now. And about the puppy...he won’t need feeding for years.”
What do you call a rapper's pet?
A HIP-HOP-POTAMUS.
“Did you show him the pictures of our cats?”
“Yes.”
“Did you hang ‘em?”
My friend has a dog who looks like cocoa. Her name is Cocoa!
My dog went through my bathroom garbage, and for some reason, my sister put a bunch of ketchup packets in there...
There once was a woman who had 10 kids. Their names were:
Tenth, Twenty, Thirty, Forty, Fifty, Sixty, Seventy, Eighty, Ninety, and One Hundred.
Everyone but Ninety died. She also had 10 kids.
These 10 kids got a dog without Ninety knowing. They had him for 2 years until he got hit by a car.
Only Ninety's kids know about this.
What do you get when you cross a bunny and a Rottweiler? Just the Rottweiler.
You're the bunny, and I'm the Rottweiler.
Why is the chicken that crossed the road a cannibal? Because he went to KFC.
What did the cat say to the jar of cookies?
"Ground beef!"
I had sex with my dog once, and my cat hissed at me for not doing her.
I went to the zoo but all I saw was a dog.
Yeah, it was a shih tzu!
Cats are like onions; when I cut them, I cry.
My wife asked me to get her a puppy. I agreed and went to an animal shelter. As I was searching for a puppy, a fire was set, and the entire animal shelter burned down.
A few hours later, I returned to my wife. She knew I had no puppies and asked why. I replied, "I couldn't find any." She understood but was upset, so I gave her something that I did get. She said, "Wow! This is good, what smokehouse did you get this at?"
What did the rapper name his new DOG?
Lil Bark.
When a cat gets a sibling, do they say, "Oh, shit! Another mew kid?!?!?!"
What should you name a dog without any legs?
It doesn't really matter. No matter what you yell, he's not coming.