Pet jokes

There was once a young sister who never got anything good for her birthday, and she was sick of it. So one day the girl asked for a puppy, and the parents said yes.

When she got the puppy, he was nice, but the puppy needed food every two minutes. The parents eventually got sick of it and came up with a plan. Two weeks passed and the younger and less fat sister asked where her other sister was as she wanted to play Barbies. “And also, why haven’t you been feeding the dog? He needs food, you know.” The parents only answered with “Oh! Yes, you can have a room all to yourself now. And about the puppy...he won’t need feeding for years.”

What do you call a rapper's pet?

A HIP-HOP-POTAMUS.

My friend has a dog who looks like cocoa. Her name is Cocoa!

My dog went through my bathroom garbage, and for some reason, my sister put a bunch of ketchup packets in there...

“Did you show him the pictures of our cats?”

“Yes.”

“Did you hang ‘em?”

There once was a woman who had 10 kids. Their names were:

Tenth, Twenty, Thirty, Forty, Fifty, Sixty, Seventy, Eighty, Ninety, and One Hundred.

Everyone but Ninety died. She also had 10 kids.

These 10 kids got a dog without Ninety knowing. They had him for 2 years until he got hit by a car.

Only Ninety's kids know about this.

What do you get when you cross a bunny and a Rottweiler? Just the Rottweiler.

You're the bunny, and I'm the Rottweiler.

I had sex with my dog once, and my cat hissed at me for not doing her.

What did the cat say to the jar of cookies?

"Ground beef!"

Why do white people colonize everything?

To steal a culture for themselves, something other than fornicating with anything that moves including their own children and pets, which they already do.

I went to the zoo but all I saw was a dog.

Yeah, it was a shih tzu!

Why is the chicken that crossed the road a cannibal? Because he went to KFC.

Cats are like onions; when I cut them, I cry.

My wife asked me to get her a puppy. I agreed and went to an animal shelter. As I was searching for a puppy, a fire was set, and the entire animal shelter burned down.

A few hours later, I returned to my wife. She knew I had no puppies and asked why. I replied, "I couldn't find any." She understood but was upset, so I gave her something that I did get. She said, "Wow! This is good, what smokehouse did you get this at?"

I have some black friends who hate it when I say the N-word around them, so I got a pet monkey.

What did the rapper name his new DOG?

Lil Bark.

What is so good about a dog that cannot see? Nothing is good.

I walk in on my mum and she's in the middle of pulling off my dad's boxers. I said, "Mum, you really spoil those dogs!"

What do you call a cat with two legs instead of four?

Dead and without use, that's what I feel like.

Q: What do you call an owner that can't take care of their cat? A: A impurrefect owner.