Pet jokes
What do you call a rapper's pet?
A HIP-HOP-POTAMUS.
My dog went through my bathroom garbage, and for some reason, my sister put a bunch of ketchup packets in there...
Why did the dog go into the fire?
Because it wanted to be a hot dog!
My friend has a dog who looks like cocoa. Her name is Cocoa!
There once was a woman who had 10 kids. Their names were:
Tenth, Twenty, Thirty, Forty, Fifty, Sixty, Seventy, Eighty, Ninety, and One Hundred.
Everyone but Ninety died. She also had 10 kids.
These 10 kids got a dog without Ninety knowing. They had him for 2 years until he got hit by a car.
Only Ninety's kids know about this.
Memes
What do you get when you cross a bunny and a Rottweiler? Just the Rottweiler.
You're the bunny, and I'm the Rottweiler.
I had sex with my dog once, and my cat hissed at me for not doing her.
I went to the zoo but all I saw was a dog.
Yeah, it was a shih tzu!
Why do white people colonize everything?
To steal a culture for themselves, something other than fornicating with anything that moves including their own children and pets, which they already do.
Why is the chicken that crossed the road a cannibal? Because he went to KFC.
What did the cat say to the jar of cookies?
"Ground beef!"
Cats are like onions; when I cut them, I cry.
My wife asked me to get her a puppy. I agreed and went to an animal shelter. As I was searching for a puppy, a fire was set, and the entire animal shelter burned down.
A few hours later, I returned to my wife. She knew I had no puppies and asked why. I replied, "I couldn't find any." She understood but was upset, so I gave her something that I did get. She said, "Wow! This is good, what smokehouse did you get this at?"
My cat got run down. That is a cat-astrophe.
What do you call a dog magician?
Labracadabrador!
What do you call a dog with no legs?
...You can't call it anything. It won't come to you.
People want to be nice to each other because they only have one life, and they want to live it well.
Sucks to be them. I'm a cat.
What did the rapper name his new DOG?
Lil Bark.
Me, smashes mouse after losing a match; everybody at the pet race: :O
I walk in on my mum and she's in the middle of pulling off my dad's boxers. I said, "Mum, you really spoil those dogs!"