Pet jokes
Why did the dog go into the fire?
Because it wanted to be a hot dog!
“Did you show him the pictures of our cats?”
“Yes.”
“Did you hang ‘em?”
My friend has a dog who looks like cocoa. Her name is Cocoa!
What do you call a rapper's pet?
A HIP-HOP-POTAMUS.
There once was a woman who had 10 kids. Their names were:
Tenth, Twenty, Thirty, Forty, Fifty, Sixty, Seventy, Eighty, Ninety, and One Hundred.
Everyone but Ninety died. She also had 10 kids.
These 10 kids got a dog without Ninety knowing. They had him for 2 years until he got hit by a car.
Only Ninety's kids know about this.
Memes
What do you get when you cross a bunny and a Rottweiler? Just the Rottweiler.
You're the bunny, and I'm the Rottweiler.
I went to the zoo but all I saw was a dog.
Yeah, it was a shih tzu!
I had sex with my dog once, and my cat hissed at me for not doing her.
What did the cat say to the jar of cookies?
"Ground beef!"
Why do white people colonize everything?
To steal a culture for themselves, something other than fornicating with anything that moves including their own children and pets, which they already do.
Cats are like onions; when I cut them, I cry.
My wife asked me to get her a puppy. I agreed and went to an animal shelter. As I was searching for a puppy, a fire was set, and the entire animal shelter burned down.
A few hours later, I returned to my wife. She knew I had no puppies and asked why. I replied, "I couldn't find any." She understood but was upset, so I gave her something that I did get. She said, "Wow! This is good, what smokehouse did you get this at?"
What do you call a cat with two legs instead of four?
Dead and without use, that's what I feel like.
Q: What do you call an owner that can't take care of their cat? A: A impurrefect owner.
Me, smashes mouse after losing a match; everybody at the pet race: :O
I love my dog, Sadie.
When a cat gets a sibling, do they say, "Oh, shit! Another mew kid?!?!?!"
I have some black friends who hate it when I say the N-word around them, so I got a pet monkey.
What did the rapper name his new DOG?
Lil Bark.
My cat got run down. That is a cat-astrophe.