Pet jokes
People want to be nice to each other because they only have one life, and they want to live it well.
Sucks to be them. I'm a cat.
My name is Gunter.
Gunter Gunter is dead.
Gunter Gunter stuffed my cat's head. ;D
What do you call a dog magician?
Labracadabrador!
What should you name a dog without any legs?
It doesn't really matter. No matter what you yell, he's not coming.
What is so good about a dog that cannot see? Nothing is good.
I walk in on my mum and she's in the middle of pulling off my dad's boxers. I said, "Mum, you really spoil those dogs!"
I asked my now ex-boyfriend why heβs scared of my cat. He said it was because of the scratches on my arm.
I told him that my cat doesnβt scratch, but he didnβt believe me. He realised what I meant when he noticed I kept hiding my wrist from everyone else.
(Kinda based on the fact that my ex is indeed scared of cats, and he has been scared of my cat, so yeah π)
If you're a cat person, never let hungry Chinese into your house. They might just have a snack.
Why should you wrap your hamsters in duct tape?
So they don't explode when you f*** them.
When my dog barks, he gets ruff.
My cat is red and brown and her bones are crunchy, so does that mean she is a Kit Kat?
What did one cat say to the other? Happy "meow"!
Where did my rabbit go?
*crunch*
What time do dogs π get a walk done β ?
Time to walk with your dog πΆ!
My dad said, "Where's Pickles, the family cat?" I said, "I'm sorry to say he's in the sky." He said, "Oh, I see, he passed away." No, I strapped him to 20 fireworks!
I killed my cat.
A sister went to her brother's room and says,
"I'm scared, can I sleep with you?"
"Yes, sis."
"What is this?" (pointing at his dick)
"My pet snake."
"Can I pet it?"
"Yes."
He wakes up in a hospital.
"What happened?"
"Your snake spit on me, so I bit his head off."
"You dummy!"
"Whaaat?"
What do you call a dog with no legs?
It doesn't matter, he's not coming.
Why did the dog cross the road?
To get to his owner.
Why can't you have a tall dog? You will have pups in a week.