Pet jokes
I love my dog, Sadie.
What do you call a dog magician?
Labracadabrador!
What do you call a dog with no legs?
...You can't call it anything. It won't come to you.
People want to be nice to each other because they only have one life, and they want to live it well.
Sucks to be them. I'm a cat.
My name is Gunter.
Gunter Gunter is dead.
Gunter Gunter stuffed my cat's head. ;D
What is so good about a dog that cannot see? Nothing is good.
I have some black friends who hate it when I say the N-word around them, so I got a pet monkey.
I walk in on my mum and she's in the middle of pulling off my dad's boxers. I said, "Mum, you really spoil those dogs!"
What do you call a cat with two legs instead of four?
Dead and without use, that's what I feel like.
Q: What do you call an owner that can't take care of their cat? A: A impurrefect owner.
Me, smashes mouse after losing a match; everybody at the pet race: :O
My cat got run down. That is a cat-astrophe.
I asked my now ex-boyfriend why he’s scared of my cat. He said it was because of the scratches on my arm.
I told him that my cat doesn’t scratch, but he didn’t believe me. He realised what I meant when he noticed I kept hiding my wrist from everyone else.
(Kinda based on the fact that my ex is indeed scared of cats, and he has been scared of my cat, so yeah 😂)
There's a kid with loads of new firemen equipment and sees a fire engine go past and the kid asks the firemen, "Come have a look at my new gear." So the firemen go look at his gear, so then the kid says:
"I've got a helmet, a big jacket, and an oxygen tank, and a little wheelbarrow for my gear."
Firemen say: "Why is there a rope tied around a cat's balls?"
The kid says, "So I can have a siren nnnnnnnnnnneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwweeeeeeeeeeennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn"
If you're a cat person, never let hungry Chinese into your house. They might just have a snack.
Why should you wrap your hamsters in duct tape?
So they don't explode when you f*** them.
My cat is red and brown and her bones are crunchy, so does that mean she is a Kit Kat?
When my dog barks, he gets ruff.
What did one cat say to the other? Happy "meow"!
Why did the dog go into the fire?
Because it wanted to be a hot dog!