Pet jokes

What do you call a dog with no legs?

Ground beef.

I killed my cat.

How do you make a cat sound like a dog?

You set it on fire; then it goes, "WOOF!"

I hate it when I accidentally eat out my dog, lol.

My cat got run down. That is a cat-astrophe.

How are infants and chocolate alike? They'll both kill your dog.

So, one day I saw a dog outside, so I played with it. Then I was like, "I’m gonna see its name and where it lives." So I did. Then... its name was Momo. Then I looked to see where it lived. It said "Joe Momma Street."

What is a pup's favorite pizza?

Pupperoni

Why is the chicken that crossed the road a cannibal? Because he went to KFC.

Me, smashes mouse after losing a match; everybody at the pet race: :O

I was crying while my dad was cutting onions in the kitchen. Onions was such a good dog.

Women are like dogs...

"Where are you going? Where are you going? Where are you going?"

"Can I come? Can I come? Can I come?"

"I'll wait right here... I'll wait right here... I'll wait right here..."

SHOES

Two cats called "1,2,3" & "un, deux, trois" had a swimming race across the channel.

1,2,3 cat won because un, deux, trois cat sank!

I had a gold fish who could breakdance on the carpet.

For 20 seconds.

And only once... :(

God creates dog.

God: "You are man's best friend."

Dog: "That's pretty sexist."

God: "No, man as in- You know what, FUCK IT! You can't speak!"

Dog: "....."

God: "And chocolate kills you!"

Dog: "🐶"

I have a dog named Syndrome.

But it gets kinda awkward when he jumps on someone and I have to shout, "DOWN SYNDROME!"

What do you call a girl furry?

A pussy cat.

So you know there's like dog mixes, right? Like a Snoodle and that stuff, right? So why can't a bulldog and a shih tzu be mixed? 'Cause if they did, it would be called bullshit.

I cried when my dad cut onions.

Onions was a good dog.

What does a cigarette and a hamster have in common?

Both are completely harmless until you put it in your mouth and light it on fire.