Pet jokes

I had to take my pet octopus to the vet yesterday.

Oh, don’t worry, he’s okay now.

But the vet charged me six quid.

One dog said to the other dog, "Man, it is hard sleeping on the floor."

The other said, "Really? I like my bed."

There were three cats. The first cat said, "Meow." The second cat said, "Meow." The third cat said, "Meow meow." Then the first cat said, "Don't change the subject!"

Zozo the hobo has two frogs and a bunny cage from pet expo. Why? Because he wanted a pet, you idiot!

What does a stray cat/dog have in common?

Both of them don't have a home!

"Simba is proof cats don’t always land on their feet."

Why do orphans love dogs?

Because dogs stay with them.

What do you call a dog with no legs?

It doesn’t matter; it ain’t coming to you.

Why can’t orphans have a house pet?

Because its parents have it to itself.

All doggies go to heaven - or so I've been told.

They run and play along the streets of Gold.

Why is heaven such a doggie-delight...

Why, because there's not a single cat in sight.

What do you call a dog without legs?

Nothing, it won't come either way.

Meow meow meow meow :p

Now their owner is dying.

HAHAHAHA

There were ten cats in a boat, and one jumped out. How many were left?

None, 'cause they are all copycats.

What do you call a dog with no legs?

It doesn't f***ing matter, it's still not f***ing coming.

My dog is named Max, and he likes to eat dog food. Therefore, everyone named Max likes to eat dog food.

Chihuahua?

Why do I call my dog a vibrator?

Because every time my dog acts like a dildo, I beat him, and when I beat him, he shakes. What do you call a shaking dildo? A vibrator, therefore I call my dog a vibrator.

What do you call a cat 🐈 that is glued down? A big cluck.

1. Full name: John.

2. Proverb: work is not a rabbit, does not run.

3. Favorite meal: the sphinx with the sour cream.

4. Sexual orientation: sexually disorientated.

5. Mental health: mentally retarded.

6. Previous careers: funeral undertaking, after that two years in the circus as the main brown bear, after that in the church school for two years, after this experience five years as a screw in the jail for the worst criminals with the top degree of supervision and now working for the secret services in my home country after gaining the top-secret audit.

7. Favorite pets: dog, bumble bee named Maxo, a butterfly named Redwing and the lizard named Notail.

8. Favorite activities: washing the dishes, cutting the woods, vacuuming and playing hard rock.

9. Working motivation: none.

I hope that you will accept my curriculum vitae and that we will see each other soon already as new colleagues, I wish more or less. Kind regards, John.