Pet jokes
I named my cousin's parrot Michell, and then I started to call Mikey "Mikey", right? I'm starting to teach my cousin Sammy how to say "Mikey Mikey" and he says "mekiy meiky" π
A family put their kid and their dog in an orphanage but came back for only the dog.
A teenage girl got a summer job dogsitting for a gigantic English Mastiff. She spent hours with the dog, and walked a little funny when she got home.
"What are you doing all day?"
"Knot a lot."
My dogs pooped in my shoes? Pooper.
I was in class and we had to choose another term for words we use everyday. For kid, I chose "child"; for dog, I chose "pet"; and for wife, I chose "dishwasher."
Memes
Which dog is owned by a kid called "Charlie Brown," raps, and smokes?
Snoopy Dog.
Ur adopted.
Sometimes I am happy, and there are times I envy my dog.
What do you call a deaf dog? As you like, he doesn't hear you anyway.
The other day my girlfriend asked me to hand her the red lipstick, so I handed her the dog.
Q: What's the similarity between a dog and a bed?
A: I can jump on my bed. A: And I use a pillow on both of them.
Why was the dog so stressed out?
It had a ruff day.
I love my dog and all dogs.
Does your cat scratch you?
Yeah, I need [to] give him payback, but now he won't respond.
My dog got mad at me for touching his toy. He said, "Get your paws off my toy!"
Why couldn't the annoying dog get on Papyrus's nerves?
HE'S A SKELETON. HE DOESN'T HAVE ANY.
How do cats relieve themselves in front of people? By licking their puss.
How do cats masturbate? They lick they pussy.
You know, you should adopt a pet. So then you can feel the pain that your parents felt when they adopted you... wait... also the regret after.
Hi, I...
Sorry, my cat touched my computer. I don't know how to delete.
The joke is that if you take a cap off a bottle, is it decapitation?
Sorry guys, it's a hard word to spell.