Pet jokes
A family put their kid and their dog in an orphanage but came back for only the dog.
I started crying when Dad began to cut onions.
Onions was such a good dog.
What time is it when you get home? Can you walk walk and a car and get home and get a walk home and get a dog 🐕? Today is the night I can drive.
What has a dog?
People.
Hi, I...
Sorry, my cat touched my computer. I don't know how to delete.
The joke is that if you take a cap off a bottle, is it decapitation?
Sorry guys, it's a hard word to spell.
Sad news, my obese parrot died today.
Mind you, it's a huge weight off my shoulders.
What do you call a dog with no legs? It doesn't matter, it's not coming anyways.
My dad said, "Where's Pickles, the family cat?" I said, "I'm sorry to say he's in the sky." He said, "Oh, I see, he passed away." No, I strapped him to 20 fireworks!
A cat gets its tail run over, and its mother assured him it’ll be okay. “You just have to stay PAW-sitive!”
The mother was later killed in her sleep because her son hates puns. At the funeral, one of her daughters said, “You have CAT to be KITTEN me right MEOW!”
Guess who dies next.
What does a male Asian P*rnstar like to say?
"I love eating cat."
A wife decided to leave for a vacation, leaving her husband in supervision of her mother and her cat. After a few days, she called her husband and asked, “How is everything going?”
He responded with, “The cat is dead.”
She cried out and said, “Why couldn’t you have broken the news slowly? You could have said the cat is playing on the roof or on the first day, and the next say it broke its leg, then the next that the poor thing's dead! Anyways, how’s my mom?”
“She’s playing on the roof.”
I love my dog and all dogs.
God creating cats.
GOD: Make the most fluffy cute thing you can think of.
ANGEL: Ok.......................................anything else?
GOD: YES, PUT RAZOR BLADES ON ITS FEET!!!!!!!!
I would name my dog "Five Miles" so I could say I walk five miles every day, but today I ran over Five Miles.
“Did you show him the pictures of our cats?”
“Yes.”
“Did you hang ‘em?”
I would tell a pussy joke, but you would never get it.
How do you know the baby's dead? The dog plays with it more.
My pet parrot had an accident and lost both his wings... he is being very brave about it though... he is totally unflappable.
I’m part of the anti anime association, but I’m starting to like anime. What do I do?
And for the joke: What do you call a dog with no back legs and a pair of metal balls? Sparky.
What do you call a dog magician?
Labracadabrador!