Pet jokes
How do cats relieve themselves in front of people? By licking their puss.
Dad: Hey, uh... you're adopted.
Dog: *frown*
I can’t take my dog to the park anymore.
Why?
The ducks keep trying to eat him.
Why would they do that?
Because he’s pure-bread.
I can't take my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keep attacking him. That's what I get for buying a pure bred dog.
My son asked for a swimming pool so I got him a ant 🐜🐜🐜 pool.
Sometimes I am happy, and there are times I envy my dog.
What do you call a deaf dog? As you like, he doesn't hear you anyway.
Ur adopted.
My dogs pooped in my shoes? Pooper.
A family put their kid and their dog in an orphanage but came back for only the dog.
My dog got mad at me for touching his toy. He said, "Get your paws off my toy!"
I was in class and we had to choose another term for words we use everyday. For kid, I chose "child"; for dog, I chose "pet"; and for wife, I chose "dishwasher."
Which dog is owned by a kid called "Charlie Brown," raps, and smokes?
Snoopy Dog.
I named my cousin's parrot Michell, and then I started to call Mikey "Mikey", right? I'm starting to teach my cousin Sammy how to say "Mikey Mikey" and he says "mekiy meiky" 😆
I named my dog Stone so that I can say to people that I throw stones every day.
A teenage girl got a summer job dogsitting for a gigantic English Mastiff. She spent hours with the dog, and walked a little funny when she got home.
"What are you doing all day?"
"Knot a lot."
The other day my girlfriend asked me to hand her the red lipstick, so I handed her the dog.
I love my dog and all dogs.
Does your cat scratch you?
Yeah, I need [to] give him payback, but now he won't respond.
Why was the dog so stressed out?
It had a ruff day.