Pet jokes
Sometimes I am happy, and there are times I envy my dog.
What do you call a deaf dog? As you like, he doesn't hear you anyway.
A family put their kid and their dog in an orphanage but came back for only the dog.
How do cats relieve themselves in front of people? By licking their puss.
Why couldn't the annoying dog get on Papyrus's nerves?
HE'S A SKELETON. HE DOESN'T HAVE ANY.
Memes
How do cats masturbate? They lick they pussy.
Why was the dog so stressed out?
It had a ruff day.
Dad: Hey, uh... you're adopted.
Dog: *frown*
I named my dog Stone so that I can say to people that I throw stones every day.
A teenage girl got a summer job dogsitting for a gigantic English Mastiff. She spent hours with the dog, and walked a little funny when she got home.
"What are you doing all day?"
"Knot a lot."
My son asked for a swimming pool so I got him a ant ๐๐๐ pool.
The other day my girlfriend asked me to hand her the red lipstick, so I handed her the dog.
My dog got mad at me for touching his toy. He said, "Get your paws off my toy!"
Does your cat scratch you?
Yeah, I need [to] give him payback, but now he won't respond.
I love my dog and all dogs.
Q: What's the similarity between a dog and a bed?
A: I can jump on my bed. A: And I use a pillow on both of them.
You know, you should adopt a pet. So then you can feel the pain that your parents felt when they adopted you... wait... also the regret after.
I canโt take my dog to the park anymore.
Why?
The ducks keep trying to eat him.
Why would they do that?
Because heโs pure-bread.
I can't take my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keep attacking him. That's what I get for buying a pure bred dog.
Hi, I...
Sorry, my cat touched my computer. I don't know how to delete.
The joke is that if you take a cap off a bottle, is it decapitation?
Sorry guys, it's a hard word to spell.