Pet jokes

Which dog is owned by a kid called "Charlie Brown," raps, and smokes?

Snoopy Dog.

A teenage girl got a summer job dogsitting for a gigantic English Mastiff. She spent hours with the dog, and walked a little funny when she got home.

"What are you doing all day?"

"Knot a lot."

I named my dog Stone so that I can say to people that I throw stones every day.

I named my cousin's parrot Michell, and then I started to call Mikey "Mikey", right? I'm starting to teach my cousin Sammy how to say "Mikey Mikey" and he says "mekiy meiky" 😆

A family put their kid and their dog in an orphanage but came back for only the dog.

My dogs pooped in my shoes? Pooper.

Ur adopted.

The other day my girlfriend asked me to hand her the red lipstick, so I handed her the dog.

Q: What's the similarity between a dog and a bed?

A: I can jump on my bed. A: And I use a pillow on both of them.

I love my dog and all dogs.

You know, you should adopt a pet. So then you can feel the pain that your parents felt when they adopted you... wait... also the regret after.

Why couldn't the annoying dog get on Papyrus's nerves?

HE'S A SKELETON. HE DOESN'T HAVE ANY.

I can't take my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keep attacking him. That's what I get for buying a pure bred dog.

I can’t take my dog to the park anymore.

Why?

The ducks keep trying to eat him.

Why would they do that?

Because he’s pure-bread.

How do cats masturbate? They lick they pussy.

My dog got mad at me for touching his toy. He said, "Get your paws off my toy!"

Does your cat scratch you?

Yeah, I need [to] give him payback, but now he won't respond.

Why was the dog so stressed out?

It had a ruff day.

How do cats relieve themselves in front of people? By licking their puss.

Hi, I...

Sorry, my cat touched my computer. I don't know how to delete.

The joke is that if you take a cap off a bottle, is it decapitation?

Sorry guys, it's a hard word to spell.