Pet jokes

A family put their kid and their dog in an orphanage but came back for only the dog.

I was in class and we had to choose another term for words we use everyday. For kid, I chose "child"; for dog, I chose "pet"; and for wife, I chose "dishwasher."

Which dog is owned by a kid called "Charlie Brown," raps, and smokes?

Snoopy Dog.

My son asked for a swimming pool so I got him a ant 🐜🐜🐜 pool.

What do you call a deaf dog? As you like, he doesn't hear you anyway.

Sometimes I am happy, and there are times I envy my dog.

A teenage girl got a summer job dogsitting for a gigantic English Mastiff. She spent hours with the dog, and walked a little funny when she got home.

"What are you doing all day?"

"Knot a lot."

I named my dog Stone so that I can say to people that I throw stones every day.

I named my cousin's parrot Michell, and then I started to call Mikey "Mikey", right? I'm starting to teach my cousin Sammy how to say "Mikey Mikey" and he says "mekiy meiky" 😆

Why was the dog so stressed out?

It had a ruff day.

Q: What's the similarity between a dog and a bed?

A: I can jump on my bed. A: And I use a pillow on both of them.

I love my dog and all dogs.

How do cats relieve themselves in front of people? By licking their puss.

You know, you should adopt a pet. So then you can feel the pain that your parents felt when they adopted you... wait... also the regret after.

Why couldn't the annoying dog get on Papyrus's nerves?

HE'S A SKELETON. HE DOESN'T HAVE ANY.

How do cats masturbate? They lick they pussy.

Dad: Hey, uh... you're adopted.

Dog: *frown*

I can't take my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keep attacking him. That's what I get for buying a pure bred dog.

I can’t take my dog to the park anymore.

Why?

The ducks keep trying to eat him.

Why would they do that?

Because he’s pure-bread.

Does your cat scratch you?

Yeah, I need [to] give him payback, but now he won't respond.