Why do cats like to sing? They're very mewsical!
One time the dog got bit by a snake, so my dad had to shoot it. My dad said to me, "This is what's going to happen to your little brother." "What little brother?" Exactly.
I was crying while my dad was cutting onions I the kitchen onions was such a good dog.
Guy 1: Why is my cat so angry?
Guy 2: Because she wants to eat your big sausage.
Guy 1: Don't you?
Guy 2: Yeah, it seems delicious.
Guy 1: Mmm, so... w-wait what are you doing? I didn't think you meant the one in my lunch :< Where are you leaving #_#
**Meow...**
Guy 1: Shut up, I will never feed you this sausage. It's not for you :< -_- </3
Sometimes I am happy and there are times I envy my dog 🤧
Does your cat scratch you?
Yeah, I need [to] give him payback, but now he won't respond.
My dog got mad at me for touching his toy. He said, "Get your paws off my toy!"
Why was the dog so stressed out?
It had a ruff day.
Q: What's the similarity between a dog and a bed?
A: I can jump on my bed. A: And I use a pillow on both of them.
The other day my girlfriend asked me to hand her the red lipstick, so I handed her the dog.
A teenage girl got a summer job dogsitting for a gigantic English Mastiff. She spent hours with the dog, and walked a little funny when she got home.
"What are you doing all day?"
"Knot a lot."
I named my dog Stone so that I can say to people that I throw stones every day.
I named my cousin's parrot Michell, and then I started to call Mikey "Mikey", right? I'm starting to teach my cousin Sammy how to say "Mikey Mikey" and he says "mekiy meiky" 😆
A family put their kid and their dog in an orphanage but came back for only the dog.
My dogs pooped in my shoes? Pooper.
Ur adopted.
What do you call a deaf dog? As you like, he doesn't hear you anyway.
Which dog is owned by a kid called "Charlie Brown," raps, and smokes?
Snoopy Dog.
I was in class and we had to choose another term for words we use everyday. For kid, I chose "child"; for dog, I chose "pet"; and for wife, I chose "dishwasher."
My son asked for a swimming pool so I got him a ant 🐜🐜🐜 pool.
