Pet jokes

One day, inexplicably, my talking parrot started insulting me. He called me an idiot, a fool, a jerk, stupid, and a variety of other nasty names. I warned the squawker to cease, but to no avian avail. Fed up, I finally flipped the foul-mouthed feather-brain into the freezer...but after about 15 seconds, I relented and let him out.

"I'm so sorry," he declared! "I don't know what came over me, and realize I shouldn't have said those terrible things. I hope you can forgive me, and I promise never to do it again! By the way...what did the chicken do?" 🐔😂

So you know there's like dog mixes, right? Like a Snoodle and that stuff, right? So why can't a bulldog and a shih tzu be mixed? 'Cause if they did, it would be called bullshit.

How do you check that a rabbit is old?

You check how many gray hares it has.

I named my dog "5 miles," so now I can tell people I walk "5 miles" everyday. 😏😎

My uncle named his dogs Timex and Rolex. They're his watch dogs.

I had asked my dog what 2 - 2 is...

She said nothing.

How do you confuse a fish?

Put it in a round fishbowl and tell it to go to the corner!

My bird. PRETTY BIRD! PRETTY BIRD!

Others CHIRP CHIRP CHIRP!

I would tell a pussy joke, but you would never get it.

Why do cats like to sing? They're very mewsical!

One time the dog got bit by a snake, so my dad had to shoot it. My dad said to me, "This is what's going to happen to your little brother." "What little brother?" Exactly.

I was crying while my dad was cutting onions in the kitchen. Onions was such a good dog.

Guy 1: Why is my cat so angry?

Guy 2: Because she wants to eat your big sausage.

Guy 1: Don't you?

Guy 2: Yeah, it seems delicious.

Guy 1: Mmm, so... w-wait what are you doing? I didn't think you meant the one in my lunch :< Where are you leaving #_#

**Meow...**

Guy 1: Shut up, I will never feed you this sausage. It's not for you :< -_- </3

Dad: Hey, uh... you're adopted.

Dog: *frown*

What do you call a deaf dog? As you like, he doesn't hear you anyway.

Sometimes I am happy, and there are times I envy my dog.

My son asked for a swimming pool so I got him a ant 🐜🐜🐜 pool.

I was in class and we had to choose another term for words we use everyday. For kid, I chose "child"; for dog, I chose "pet"; and for wife, I chose "dishwasher."

Which dog is owned by a kid called "Charlie Brown," raps, and smokes?

Snoopy Dog.

A teenage girl got a summer job dogsitting for a gigantic English Mastiff. She spent hours with the dog, and walked a little funny when she got home.

"What are you doing all day?"

"Knot a lot."