Pet jokes

What do you get when you cross a bunny and a Rottweiler? Just the Rottweiler.

You're the bunny, and I'm the Rottweiler.

My mom told me that my friend Paul is coming over, and he is going to sleep over, so I was happy.

The next day, I ask my mom, "Where's the dog?" My mom asks me, "What dog?"

Then I said to my mom, "I heard Paul say, 'Do you want it doggy?' and you said 'Yeah.'"

I love my dog and all dogs.

Why do white people colonize everything?

To steal a culture for themselves, something other than fornicating with anything that moves including their own children and pets, which they already do.

I started crying when dad was cutting onions.

Onions was such a good dog.

My fish died, and I didn't do anything. I just took my fish for a walk.

I was crying because my dad was cutting onions...

Onions was a good dog.

How do you know the baby's dead? The dog plays with it more.

My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, finally I had to take his bike away.

What do you call a dog with no legs?

It doesn’t matter; it ain’t coming to you.

I was reading a book about an immortal dog yesterday...

It was impossible to put down.

What do you call a dog magician?

Labracadabrador!

There was once a young sister who never got anything good for her birthday, and she was sick of it. So one day the girl asked for a puppy, and the parents said yes.

When she got the puppy, he was nice, but the puppy needed food every two minutes. The parents eventually got sick of it and came up with a plan. Two weeks passed and the younger and less fat sister asked where her other sister was as she wanted to play Barbies. “And also, why haven’t you been feeding the dog? He needs food, you know.” The parents only answered with “Oh! Yes, you can have a room all to yourself now. And about the puppy...he won’t need feeding for years.”

Why did the dog cross the road?

To get to his owner.

What do you call a dog that is part pug, part poodle, and part cup? A muggle! 🤠🤠🤠🤠🥴

Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard to get her poor dog a bone.

But when she bent over, Rover took over, and gave her a bone of his own.

Can a cook and clean for real? No, I do not want no rabbit hare in my house.

What did the dog say to the other dog?

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Ken.

Ken who?

Can you walk the dog for me?

Cats are like onions; when I cut them, I cry.