Pet jokes
What do you call a cat with a live in doctor?
An anemic, shrivelled cat with desperate attached owners.
I named my dog "J," and everyone thought I said "jam."
I found a dog outside a store, so I took him home with me.
The dog was standing outside a blind supplies store.
I was chopping onions with my brothers, so my little sisters cried. Onions was a good dog.
Why don’t you have a pet cheetah?
There cheetah you.
Memes
I put my fish on a leash so I could teach him to walk. Then I took him out for a walk. Then, when I put him back in the tank, he stopped moving.
What did Joe Biden say to the dog? I'm gonna molest you.
First Man: My dog's got no nose.
Second Man: How does he smell?
First Man: Awful.
Sad news, my obese parrot died today.
Mind you, it's a huge weight off my shoulders.
My wife got mad at me because I took our life savings and brought golden retrievers.
Like, bitch, we can get gold because of these golden retrievers.
A guy says to his dog, "Where are you?" The dog was actually dead, bro.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
Ground beef.
What did all the humans say when all the pets left town?
A doggone catastrophe!
Dog.
My mom wanted me to brush my hair.
And I just told her that even pet animals don't like their hair brushed...
What do you call a dog with 2 legs?
It doesn’t matter, it won’t come anyways.
My dog got stuck in my ass, help!
If you are wondering where the dog went, I don't know. Maybe he went barking around.
What do you get when you are hungry? A dog to eat.
I'm happy that I named my dog "I Know What You Did." It's funny to see how much people get scared when I call him.