Pet jokes
I found a dog outside a store, so I took him home with me.
The dog was standing outside a blind supplies store.
I left my dog at home once, and when I came home it was a mess. Let's just say I was in a RUFF situation.
What has 4 legs and 1 arm?
A pitbull in a children's play area.
I was chopping onions with my brothers, so my little sisters cried. Onions was a good dog.
Why don’t you have a pet cheetah?
There cheetah you.
Memes
My wife got mad at me because I took our life savings and brought golden retrievers.
Like, bitch, we can get gold because of these golden retrievers.
A guy says to his dog, "Where are you?" The dog was actually dead, bro.
Dog.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
Ground beef.
What did all the humans say when all the pets left town?
A doggone catastrophe!
Sad news, my obese parrot died today.
Mind you, it's a huge weight off my shoulders.
My mom wanted me to brush my hair.
And I just told her that even pet animals don't like their hair brushed...
What did Joe Biden say to the dog? I'm gonna molest you.
My dog got stuck in my ass, help!
I put my fish on a leash so I could teach him to walk. Then I took him out for a walk. Then, when I put him back in the tank, he stopped moving.
First Man: My dog's got no nose.
Second Man: How does he smell?
First Man: Awful.
If you are wondering where the dog went, I don't know. Maybe he went barking around.
What do you get when you are hungry? A dog to eat.
What do you call a dog with 2 legs?
It doesn’t matter, it won’t come anyways.
I went outside to catch some dog, but I mist.