Pet Jokes

What is a pup's favorite pizza?

Pupperoni

I went to the zoo but all I saw was a dog.

Yeah, it was a shih tzu!

I went to the zoo but all I saw was a dog.

Yeah, it was a shih tzu.

You take a plane from Australia. Your mom is American, your dad is British, and your brother (and you) is Canadian (well, because they traveled along many places). You are eating dinner, but you realized you were going to Europe.

You went sleepy, and you forgot your pet named "Strallia." But she could not go anyways, so you had to leave her. When you went to Europe, you were in the "COUNTRY-SIDE."

I cried when my dad cut onions.

Onions was a good dog.

Where did my rabbit go?

*crunch*

I feel bad for cumming on my turtle.

Why the fuck would I do that? I should have never masturbated in front of my turtle. So basically I was watching porn on my 55 inch tv and my turtle was next to me on the couch. The porno was really old. It was a DVD from 2002. It was probably the hottest porn I have ever watched and honestly I'm probably going to watch porn on dvd instead of from the internet. The only reason I had my turtle with me was because whenever I cum, I feel really depressed and lonely, so I thought that if my turtle watched with me I wouldn't feel lonely. Well, I started stroking my willie, I used lotion, I took all my clothes off, but my dumbass forgot the tissues. I realized that I forgot to grab tissues but it was too late. I was going to cum. I didn't want to cum everywhere so I had to think fast. It was when I saw my turtle when I realized what I had to do. I came like a motherfucker. My turtle was painted with my cum in his tiny little face and all around his shell. He didn't say a word about it, he didn't move, he just stood there looking at me like I killed a bunch of children. I would never forget the look my turtle gave me. His disappointing face broke my heart. I put on my clothes, I took my turtle to the bathroom and cleaned him off. What happened, happened. But my turtle would never forget what happened. My turtle, Tommy, would never forgive me. Today, I passed by him and I know he still remembers what I did to him 3 hours ago. My only wish is that one day, Tommy the turtle will forgive me for my horrible sins.

Me, smashes mouse after losing a match; everybody at the pet race: :O

I have a fish that can breakdance only for 20 seconds, and he can only do it once.

A sister went to her brother's room and says,

"I'm scared, can I sleep with you?"

"Yes, sis."

"What is this?" (pointing at his dick)

"My pet snake."

"Can I pet it?"

"Yes."

He wakes up in a hospital.

"What happened?"

"Your snake spit on me, so I bit his head off."

"You dummy!"

"Whaaat?"

I started crying when my dad was cutting onions.

Onions was such a good dog.

I was chopping onions with my brothers, so my little sisters cried. Onions was a good dog.

I named my dog "5 miles" so I could say I ran five miles today. I ran over 5 miles.

What's yellow and can’t swim?

Your dead fish.

I named my dog "5 miles" so I could say I walk 5 miles each day.

But today I ran OVER 5 miles... oops!

What do you give a dog with a fever?

Mustard, it's the best thing for a hot dog!

If I were a cat, I'd spend all nine of my lives with you.

As a kid, I was made to walk the plank.

Because we couldn't afford a dog.

add me in Roblox wholetthedogsoutyou1 lol who let the dogs out you you you you you?

Are you dead? Because you look like my dog.