Pet jokes
What did the hungry Dalmation say when he had some kibble?
That hit the spot!
How does a blind person know when a skydive has finished?
The dog lead went slack.
There were three cats. The first cat said, "Meow." The second cat said, "Meow." The third cat said, "Meow meow." Then the first cat said, "Don't change the subject!"
I named my dog 5-Miles, so now I tell people, "I walk 5-Miles every day."
I like tortles.
A man had moved to a new country with his dog and with basic understanding of the language. One day he heard people talking about a place for dogs, so he took his dog there, telling them he wanted his dog to be groomed.
The man behind the counter responded with "yes happy dog, come back in little hours." So the man left and came back a couple hours later. When he asked about his dog, he was given a box of jerky. He found out "Happy Dog" was the name of the place where dogs become food.
I named my horse Mayo.
Mayo neighs.
I would tell a pussy joke, but you would never get it.
Does your cat scratch you?
Yeah, I need [to] give him payback, but now he won't respond.
What's the best part of working at an abortion clinic?
Free dog food.
Dark Jokes R Like Puppies:
Once they come out they are trash, but once it starts to get older, that’s when it’s noticed, but when it gets too old, you either proclaim it dead or never talk about it.
(I would never do that though I love puppies)
Why do I call my dog a vibrator?
Because every time my dog acts like a dildo, I beat him, and when I beat him, he shakes. What do you call a shaking dildo? A vibrator, therefore I call my dog a vibrator.
When you can’t have Chinese food because you don’t have any pets,
just eat African food, you have plenty of neighbors!
God creating cats.
GOD: Make the most fluffy cute thing you can think of.
ANGEL: Ok.......................................anything else?
GOD: YES, PUT RAZOR BLADES ON ITS FEET!!!!!!!!
Did you know that Helen Keller had a dog?
Well, neither did she!
What is the difference between a dog and a cat?
I don't know either.
Why do you think I asked you? ;)
Which category is glory in?
Cats.
“Did you show him the pictures of our cats?”
“Yes.”
“Did you hang ‘em?”
"How was your day?"
"It was great."
"What was so great about it?"
"I saw a puppy."
"Awww."
"And I ran over it :)"
You got a dig bick.
You read that wrong.
You read that wrong too.
Maybe you read that wrong as well.
You just went and back-checked.
You reread all of that.
You have a pet wussy.
You read that wrong...
You need mental help.