Pet jokes

What looks like half a cat?

The other half.

What do you call a pile of kittens? A meowntain.

I was taking my dog on a long walk when I heard a loud scream. I ran towards the sound. There I found Penaldo sinking in a pit of mud. I was trying to help him out when my dog said, "Leave him, he's been in the mud for years." I walked away shocked but not surprised.

I was reading a book about an immortal dog, it was impossible to put down.

Why can't you have a tall dog? You will have pups in a week.

My girlfriend's dog died, so I got her a new one in replacement, and she went off on me and yelled,

"What am I supposed to do with 2 dead dogs in my house?!"

What’s the difference between a cat and a frog?

A cat has nine lives, and a frog croaks every day.

I walk in on my mum and she's in the middle of pulling off my dad's boxers. I said, "Mum, you really spoil those dogs!"

We were so poor when we were kids, dad used to jerk off the dog to feed the cat.

Dad: Hey son, wanna hear a joke?

Son: Sure thing, dad!

Dad: Your mother and I are getting a divorce. She found out that I was sleeping with the neighbor's dog!

Son: I don't get the joke, dad.

Dad: It's my life, son! My life is the joke.

Why did the dog cross the road?

To get to his owner.

I would name my dog "Five Miles" so I could say I walk five miles every day, but today I ran over Five Miles.

Little Johnny got a dog without ears, and then they invited their neighbors over. Then they asked what his name was. The owners said, "We didn't name him anything, because there's no reason. Because when we called his name, he wouldn't come."

Why can’t orphans have a house pet?

Because its parents have it to itself.

I met an orphan with a dog yesterday. I chose the dog.

One time the dog got bit by a snake, so my dad had to shoot it. My dad said to me, "This is what's going to happen to your little brother." "What little brother?" Exactly.

My pet parrot had an accident and lost both his wings... he is being very brave about it though... he is totally unflappable.

I named my cousin's parrot Michell, and then I started to call Mikey "Mikey", right? I'm starting to teach my cousin Sammy how to say "Mikey Mikey" and he says "mekiy meiky" 😆

What do you do when you see a wiener dog?

I like you wiener.

I named my dog Stone so that I can say to people that I throw stones every day.