Personal jokes
A fat homeless person begged me for food, so I said, "I can see your dinner. You had plenty!"
What's the difference between a Mexican and a Black person? One gets paid, the other got enslaved.
How did the fat person cross the road?
It rolled.
Person: "How many people have you had intercourse with?"
Me: "Nun."
How do you know when a fat person stops eating? You read about it in the obituary.
I'm such a good babysitter because the last person I babysat was so flat.
You’re looking pretty rough this evening. You look like if sweatpants were a person.
How can you surprise someone who is blind?
Leave a plunger in the toilet.
Why do you never see a gay person in a wheelchair?
Because once you're a fruit, you can't be a vegetable.
If you hit an Indian person on the forehead with a dart, is it considered a bullseye?
What do you call a person with a flip flop?
My dad.
Why did the short person bring a ladder to the bar?
Because they heard the drinks were on the house!
Well, good for you, I guess you moved on really easily. You found a new girl and it only took a couple weeks. Remember when you said that you wanted to give me the world? (Ah-ah-ah-ah) And good for you, I guess that you've been workin' on yourself. I guess that therapist I found for you, she really helped. Now you can be a better man for your brand new girl. Well, good for you, you look happy and healthy, not me. If you ever cared to ask. Good for you, you're doin' great out there without me, baby. God, I wish that I could do that. I've lost my mind, I've spent the night Cryin' on the floor of my bathroom. But you're so unaffected, I really don't get it. But I guess good for you.
Well, good for you, I guess you're gettin' everything you want (ah). You bought a new car and your career's really takin' off (ah). It's like we never even happened. Baby, what the fuck is up with that? (Ha) And good for you, it's like you never even met me. Remember when you swore to God I was the only Person who ever got you? Well, screw that and screw you. You will never have to hurt the way you know that I do. Well, good for you, you look happy and healthy, not me. If you ever cared to ask. Good for you, you're doin' great out there without me, baby. God, I wish that I could do that. I've lost my mind, I've spent the night Cryin' on the floor of my bathroom. But you're so unaffected, I really don't get it. But I guess good for you.
Ah-ah-ah-ah Ah-ah-ah-ah Maybe I'm too emotional But your apathy's like a wound in salt Maybe I'm too emotional Or maybe you never cared at all Maybe I'm too emotional Your apathy is like a wound in salt Maybe I'm too emotional Or maybe you never cared at all Well, good for you, you look happy and healthy, not me. If you ever cared to ask. Good for you, you're doin' great out there without me, baby. Like a damn sociopath. I've lost my mind, I've spent the night Cryin' on the floor of my bathroom. But you're so unaffected, I really don't get it. But I guess good for you.
Well, good for you, I guess you moved on really easily.
So, there was this kid, and he went to a store and said to a person there, "I'm emo." Then the person told the emo, "Why the hell are you here? Shouldn't you be hanging in a tree somewhere?"
What do you get when you put a clown, a peodophile, a gay wet person?
Answer: YOUR DAD
What's every elderly person's spirit animal? The blue tang fish.
Why did the suicidal person cross the road?
To slow down traffic!
Person 1: You are the dumbest person in the class.
Person 2: Well, you're the second. Maybe, but at least I'm not the dumbest.
Person 2: I know how to fix that!
... Next day person commits suicide...
What do you call it when a white person beats a black person?
A KKKO.
What do you call a pretty person who loves Rolls? A roll model.