Personal jokes
I hate my life.
What do you call an old black person? Farming antique.
What's the best comeback for a person calling you an orphan?
Kill their parents.
My friend: You ever feel like life is pointless? *drives faster*
Me: Yea-
My friend: If you could die with one person, who would it be? *speeds up more*
Me: H-hey, you should slow down! Slow down, slow down! We're about to-
What kind of bath bomb does an emo person use?
A toaster.
How do you make a blind person jealous? You ask if it's a nice day out.
What do you call a disabled person who gets high?
Baked potato.
Person 1: “Hey, today was great!”
Person 2: “What happened?”
Person 1: “I ran into my ex today.”
Person 2: “What’s so great about that?”
Person 1: “I was in my car.”
I asked a black man on the street if a white person paints their face black, it’s considered racist, but if a black person paints their face white, will the cops treat them better?
What is the best game for a deaf person?
Charades.
I got told I'm too mean and that I need to think before I speak. So now I take a couple minutes and think of what will REALLY piss the other person off.
I called an Asian person and asked, 'Is this Mister Wing?' 'No.'
I called once more and asked, 'Is this Mister Wong?' 'No.'
I guess I 'winged the Wong number.'
I work in a garage, and yesterday a gay person came up to me and said, "Why won't my car go straight?"
What do you call a non-binary person that is lactose intolerant?
Non-buy dairy.
Asians love it when a British person says "Rice!"
What do a blind person and an orphan have in common?
They both cannot see their family.
God: You're gonna have 2 parents.
Orphan: Double it and give it to the next person.
You know how bad of a person you are when you figure out how long you wait to smash. For me and my girlfriend, it was between the first plane crash and the last tower falling.
what do you call an emo person who's not depressed?
dead.
If you want KFC, pour water on a poor person outside our restaurant and film it.