Personal jokes
What is the difference between gross and kinky according to a Canadian?
Using a toothpick to remove human feces between your teeth after licking another person's ass is gross, but performing a blowjob on a man who is well-endowed while he is eating a tuna fish sandwich, with maple syrup instead of mayonnaise, is kinky.
What do you say to a person who got his whole left side cut off? "Are you all right?!"
What's a homeless person's favorite cookie?
Pooreos.
Somebody told another person that they would meet at the crack of dawn.
Let's just say Dawn got very mad.
Katie Price's answer for everything is darkness.
She isn't a dull person, but playing eye spy with my little eye with Harvey is just way too easy.
Person: So you know that person's name you say when you make a hoop, well he's dead.
Friend: Yeah, John Wilkes Booth.
Person: How dare you say that he killed Abraham Lincoln?
Friend: Terrible guy but he never missed a shot!
Why did the little boy cry?
He had a frog nailed to his face and stapled to each of his fins. The frogs were his personal molesters.
Can a person in a wheelchair stand up for themselves?
What do you say to a depressed person?
"I like ya cut, G."
What do you call a disabled person drowning?
A boat.
When you decide to turn your high school into your personal shooting range, but you don’t give any proper notice except for a bullet to the head...
Me: Hey! Do you know how to tie a knot?
Person: Yea, why?
Me: Cause I need help tying this noose :)
A blonde accidentally kills a cop and calls the police.
She exclaims, “Hello, is this 911?”
The other person, “Yes, what is your emergency?”
The blonde answered, “I called to inform you that you’re 910 now.”
Q: What’s a koala's face song? A: Never gonna give you up BECAUSE it hangs on the tree and the person is the tree?
If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person on the planet.
What do you call an autistic person playing a guitar?
Guarded.
What's the difference between a Black person and a white person?
Black people don't shoot up schools.
Teacher: Okay class, look at the person to the right of you and describe them with one word.
Me: *looks to the right of me and sees the pick-me girl* "Penny."
Teacher: *shocked* How is she a penny?
Me: 'Cause she's two-faced, flat, and always in someone's pants. Not to mention worth practically nothing.
What does a depressed person and a chicken have in common? They both try to fly.
What's the difference between a homeless person and a car?
Only one gets fuel.