Personal jokes

I'm American, and I'm sick of people saying America is "the stupidest country in the world." Personally, I think Europe is the stupidest country in the world.

Helen Keller is the kind of person to ask you what the time is.

The last words of a depressive person are: "Yay, Freedom."

What is a self-harm person's favorite game?

Fruit Ninja.

My grandpa personally killed 3 German pilots. He was the worst mechanic Luftwaffe had.

I was on a bus when this girl offered to blow me for $5.

...and never being a person to pass up a good deal, I gave her $5 and watched her do her thing. After she was finished she lit up a cigarette and started smoking right there on the bus.

I was disgusted. I thought to myself, "What is this world coming to? Who sells cigarettes to a 12 year old?"

While I was out shopping, I tripped in a store and a lady would not stop staring at me. For fun, I said, "Sorry! It's been a while since I've possessed a body." She looked horrified.

Dads are like boomerangs... I hope!

Son: Dad, why is my name Experience? Dad: Son, Experience is the name we give our mistakes.

You won't eat a human, so why eat meat? Bold of you to presume I won't eat a person.

What does a depressed person and a chicken have in common? They both try to fly.

Tell an old person to pretend [they are] shaking salt in their mouth... you'll see!

You're the type of person to wash your hands after a shower.

Little Johnny sits on a chair. He notices he is sitting on something. Then he sees a plastic di**. He asks his mom, "What's that?" and Mom didn't know, so when his dad comes home from work, he sees him with the plastic di** and says, "Son, why you messing with my personal toy?"

A person could build a playground with your mood swings.

What part of "Another One Bites the Dust" do you sing to a disabled person to make fun of them? "I'm standing on my own two feet."

What do you call a depressed person's life?

At this point, nonexistent.

How do you turn a Chinese person into an American? Put a bag of ice on their eyes.

What are the subtitles when a disabled person speaks in a movie?

nsjajahdahwggwdgdvtwqfdvgcqgvhheydgdygsydgdfydwfwdgsqgsgyd

What do you call a person on fire in a wheelchair?

Hot wheels!

What do you call a wheelchair person with a gun? Special ops.

Riddler: Riddle me this, are you scared of the big black?

Person: Big black what?

Riddler: ...

Person: I'm scared of what you mean because you won't tell me what you mean.

What’s the difference between my ex and a unicycle?

A unicycle can only take one person at a time.