Personal jokes
Who is this Gwen person?
Person: So you know that person's name you say when you make a hoop, well he's dead.
Friend: Yeah, John Wilkes Booth.
Person: How dare you say that he killed Abraham Lincoln?
Friend: Terrible guy but he never missed a shot!
How do you surprise a blind guy?
Say, "Surprise!"
There was a person inside who needed help from the police, but the police changed their number, so he ordered a party with pizzas from 2 airplanes, but the pilots were stupid, so they put people instead of pizzas, and one landed on the 93rd floor and the 94th floor, literally.
Knock knock.
Me, a person: Who's there?
A: Deez nuts!
What does a person that’s high and Helen Keller have in common?
Both stare off into space.
What do you call a person in America that is not a retard?
A foreign exchange student.
Why did the little boy cry? He had a frog nailed to his face and stapled to each of his fins. The frogs were his personal molesters.
A person had a child named Bl, another named Es, and one named S. The next was named You. They were a very unholy family.
Their children were shamed upon because their names spell out "Bless you."
Guy: Say "I'm a man" every time I stop.
Person:
Guy: You walk into a bar.
Person: I'm a man.
Guy: You meet a girl.
Person: I'm a man.
Guy: You and the girl go to a hotel.
Person: I'm a man.
Guy: You guys go on a bed.
Person: I'm a man.
Guy: She whispers into your ear...
Person: I'm a man!
Kate: Can we have a threesome?
Trevor: Sure.
The lights go off and Trevor starts doing what he's supposed to be doing, and then he feels something going up his back end. He goes to punch the person behind him, but then he turns on the light, and it was Kate behind him, and he's been fucking the guy the whole time.
What do you call a person in a wheelchair that lives in Africa?
Dry Vegetable.
What's a homeless person's favorite cookie?
Pooreos.
When your teenager asks for personal space and you remind her that she came out of your personal space.
Random person: We are taking away your freedoms to keep you safe.
Hitla: That's exactly what I said.
Q: How do you know an Asian person was in your house?
A: Your homework is done, breakfast is made, and your cat is gone.
Teacher: Okay class, look at the person to the right of you and describe them with one word.
Me: *looks to the right of me and sees the pick-me girl* "Penny."
Teacher: *shocked* How is she a penny?
Me: 'Cause she's two-faced, flat, and always in someone's pants. Not to mention worth practically nothing.
What was the first thing Thanos snapped?
Loki’s neck.
What does a depressed person and a chicken have in common? They both try to fly.
I was drinking a martini when a waitress yelled, "Do you know CPR?"
I replied, "I know the entire alphabet!" We all laughed and laughed, well, except one person.