Person jokes

People

    • You see a boat filled with people, yet there isn’t a single person on board. How is that possible?

    All of them are married!

    Airplane

    • There was a person inside who needed help from the police, but the police changed their number, so he ordered a party with pizzas from 2 airplanes, but the pilots were stupid, so they put people instead of pizzas, and one landed on the 93rd floor and the 94th floor, literally.

  • 2

    • Life

    • Person: Hey, do you know what's the best thing in life?

    ...

    You do realize that I said nothing, right?

    Me: Exactly :)

    Person memes

    Wife

    • Who did Stephen Hawking love more than anyone else?

    His wife, "Eye," who was also bad at running.

    Shooter

    • What do a school shooter and a person with gum have in common?

    One's the pull it out everyone wants to be their friend.

  • 3

    • Clock

    • Once I went to a museum and overheard someone speaking to an employee for information.

    "These are lying clocks, they tell how many lies a person tells."

    "Oh, cool."

    "This is Mother Teresa’s clock; the clock hasn’t moved because she never lied."

    "Makes sense."

    "This is Abraham Lincoln’s clock. The hands only moved twice, indicating he only lied twice."

    "Where’s Trump’s clock?"

    "Oh, we’re using it as a ceiling fan."

    And then I burst out laughing 'cause it’s so true.

  • 0

    • Prize

    • Boosterthon asks to raise up to $35,000.

    I donate $35,000. I ask, "What's my prize?" Boosterthon worker says, "Here's a headband." Me: "I donated the goal, so is that it?" Boosterthon worker: "No, it's $35,000 per person." I pass out. Boosterthon worker goes back to work like it is a regular day.