Person jokes
Ruin a quote by attributing it to the wrong person.
"Don't cry because it is over. Smile because it happened." -Adolf Hitler, 1945.
Random person: "Just turn the page and start over."
Me: "I'm not sure if you're telling me to be gay or uhhhh die but both are good options."
Why does everyone get offended at female firefighters?
Like seriously, if your house is on fire and burning, you wouldn't really care if the person saving you had a low IQ, right?
The only person I'd have a cooking lesson with is Hitler.
Harrison
What do you call a person who's got their wisdom tooth removed too late?
Dumb.
What's the difference between a dog from an Asian person and a cat from an Asian person?
Only the taste.
Hi, I am Bill.
Person: Why? You: No.
Person one: What did the DJ name his son?
Person two: IDK, what?
Person one: Erik (while making a DJ motion).
If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person on the planet.
What do you call somebody with no nose?
What do you call a retarded person and a stroke victim in the same bed?
Mashed potatoes.
Wow, Aiden, maybe you've been mean to Tenya. She is hurting, close to killing herself, but hey, I can pick your ass since, ya know, that is what I do!
If you want KFC, pour water on a poor person outside our restaurant and film it.
What’s the difference between a mosquito and a blonde?
One stops sucking when you slap it.
Why did the ball person go to the doctor?
He was kicked in the balls.
He’s so short no one can see you very close by.
You're just big and good.
What do you call a person on fire in a wheelchair?
Hot wheels!