Person jokes

What do me and a blind person have in common after I look at Alfie's mum?

We're both blind.

Another joke, I know they suck.

What is a depressed person's favorite joke? Their life.

When an American goes on a scale, the other person will say, "I asked for your weight, not your phone number!"

You're so poor, if I ever broke into your house, I'd give you things.

Are you going to jump? Can I jump with you?

One day my kid with no arms came up to me and said, "Mom, what's dark humor?" I thought about it, then said, "Go wave to that blind person." He just looked at me, confused, but angry.

Why do they call them a nonce?

Because they go for people who don't have any sense.

What do you call a gay person on fire?

LGBBQ

Imagine a white van. Now imagine a white guy in the driver seat with a sombrero on and his arm out the window, and on the side of the van it says "Free Candy." But there's blood all over the van and a dead clown in the back.

I was drinking a martini and the waitress screamed, “Does anyone know CPR?!”

I yelled, “I know the entire alphabet!”, and we all laughed and laughed. Well, except one person, he didn't hear the joke.

When a person in a wheelchair says, "You've never taken a step in my shoes," and you say, "To be honest, you haven't either."

What do you call a person that is both Black and Hispanic and was born on Wednesday? Miérkoolaids.

Tell the person next to you to spell "me." When they do, say, "You forgot the D." They should respond with, "There is no D in ME." You say, "Not yet." If this does not go as planned, well, then you are fucked for life.

Somebody told me that black slang is just white slang in reverse. For example:

White person: Dad, you're home!

Black person: Dad?

White person: You can keep the change.

Black person: Empty the register.

Why did the straight white caucasian male cross the road?

Because a black person was approaching.

What's the difference between a normal person's funeral and a person with polio?

The pose!

"What do you call a person who is afraid of Santa Claus?"

"Claustrophobic!"

What does a physicist call it when a suicidal person is high up? Potential energy.

Person with no arms: Even though I have no arms, I can do anything you guys can.

Me: If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands. 👏👏 If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands. 👏👏

Person with no arms: 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Every depressed person just has to say, "I WANT TO JUMP OFF THAT TALL BUILDING RIGHT THERE!" and then points to the building and runs up to it like an immature child, and then they get disappointed when they aren't allowed into the building.