Person jokes

A man who desperately wanted to be good after serving time in prison was visited by an Angel. "You want to change? You can still enter heaven on two conditions. You must bet on the horses with any money you have and pass your winnings to someone less fortunate, and you must never hold on to any beef." The Angel then disappeared.

The man did as was told and became generous and kind. As he emerged from the betting office with all his money, he would pass every penny of it all to a deserving person each and every time.

He, however, couldn't seem to avoid meat and would still eat it no matter what.

When he died, the Angel came back for him.

"But I'm undeserving; I can't come with you," he said.

"Yes, you can," replied the Angel, "you gave all your stake (steak) away."

Robert Ryall

The teacher says to do your homework. I do. My friends do. One person never does any of his homework.

Eventually, we had to have fun. He said he didn't do it. WOW what did he do? I like to think he got smacked and nearly committed suicide.

What do you call a Mexican without a car?

Carlos.

What did one cheese say to the other cheese?

"Hello, it's a nice day, do you have any plans on what you're going to do?"... The other cheese was taken back by his politeness and friendliness, they agreed to meet again, and were soon married and lived happily ever after. Let this tale of the two cheeses inspire you to be a better person.

1st Person: Do you want to know something funny?

2nd Person: Yeah, sure!

1st Person: I don’t know, I’m German!

What do you call an Indian person who is not starving? Dead.

If a person in a wheelchair runs you over, can you call it a "hit and can't run?"

Donald Trump is to white Americans as O.J. Simpson is to black Americans. They will never choose to convict these people even if they murdered or raped.

Gvido gubis.

Person 1: Hey, did you hear about the circus fire?

Person 2: No.

Person 1: It was in-tents.

It's not a hate crime if you don't hate the person.

Has anyone else ever been jealous when their laptop dies?

I’m light as a feather, yet the strongest person can’t hold me for five minutes. What am I?

You're so skinny, you can hula-hoop with Fruit Loops!

Talk to me if you're online.

What do an orphan and a homeless person have in common?

They have no one to call "Dad."

They call me Juan, they call me Jose, but I'm Juan person.

An LDS preacher knocks on the door with a chalice of wine offering to do the sacrament.

The person living there points and says, "Begone, foul blood-drinker!"

And promptly the preacher bursts into flames, leaving nothing but ash.

What happens when Helen Keller picks her nose?

She slurs her words...