Person jokes

Why did Helen Keller have no ornaments on her Christmas tree?

'Cause she always dropped them.

I knew the human race made mistakes, but you're the worst I've seen so far...

What do you call an anorexic person with a yeast infection?

A quarter-pounder with cheese.

Random person: Imma smack you so hard your skin pigment changes!

Me: Who the hell do you think you are? Michael Jackson’s dad?

You're walking alone on a street when a person slaps you with a silk glove and runs away. As you watch them run, 2 cops are chasing them.

A Japanese, Hispanic, and Iraqi man are in a plane. The Japanese man drops a bowl off of it and shouts "I love my country!" Then the Hispanic man drops a burrito off the side and shouts, "I love my country!" Finally, the Iraqi man drops a bomb and shouts, "I love my country!"

Not much longer on, a man walks by a boy who is sitting by a crater laughing non-stop. And the man asks, "What's so funny?" And the boy says "When I farted, my house blew up!"

Me.

I am Cummer.

Someone kills an emotionally weak person by hard words and bullying.

No one will suspect the killer was anyone who took part.

What do you call a black person?

Dark humor.

What do you call a person with a hole in their shoe?

A Christian.

Is it okay to say "nice to meat you" to a vegan?

Apparently Steven Hawking was a stand-up kind of guy.

Chuck Norris hasn’t decided yet when Jimmy Hoffa can come out.

When you say, "I'm high!"

But then you fall off.

Kian. Legit, Kian is a joke.

What is meals on wheels to a Christian nationalist that is also a conservative Republican politician, a gay man in a wheelchair that is poor and also physically handicapped, and who is also well-endowed?

A man enters a bar with some friends, and they all sit down to a drink. After not too long, a man with glasses comes through the front door saying, "Anyone who wants to fly off the third story balcony, come upstairs with me!" When no one listens, he shrugs, and everyone watches him go up the stairs. Ten seconds later, he comes back in through the door, again saying, "Anyone who wants to fly off the third story balcony, come upstairs with me!" Everyone is amazed, and a few people leave to go fly with him. He keeps coming back into the bar, bringing more and more patrons to join him. The man at the bar is about to join in when the bartender finally sighs.

"For the last time, Superman, get out of my bar, you're drunk and the only person here that can fly!"

The man with glasses frowns.

"Where did all the others go, then?"

Man: I'm here for the job interview.

Employer: Oh good, good. Sit down. We don't get many people for the interviews.

Man: Just anywhere?

Employer: Yeah, make yourself comfortable. Jackson, right?

Man: Yeah, that's me.

(Shakes hands and sits back down)

Employer: So what makes you eligible for the job, Jackson?

Man: Well, I'm really good at capturing the perfect shot and angle. It really takes dedication to do this type of job. Concentration and willpower, sir.

Employer: I like you already, you're hired!

Man: Wow, thanks, sir. I know I won't do you wrong. I'll work hard for this job!

Employer: You start now! Your first person is a man named John F Kennedy.

Man: What? You want me to just take pictures of him during the parade?

Employer: No.

Man: This... This is a photography job, right?

Employer: No... this is a job employment for man hunting.

If a person in a wheelchair runs you over, can you call it a "hit and can't run?"