Person jokes

One day my kid with no arms came up to me and said, "Mom, what's dark humor?" I thought about it, then said, "Go wave to that blind person." He just looked at me, confused, but angry.

Tell the person next to you to spell "me." When they do, say, "You forgot the D." They should respond with, "There is no D in ME." You say, "Not yet." If this does not go as planned, well, then you are fucked for life.

Imagine a white van. Now imagine a white guy in the driver seat with a sombrero on and his arm out the window, and on the side of the van it says "Free Candy." But there's blood all over the van and a dead clown in the back.

If you're pro-life, I hope you get hit by a bus today!

What do you call a Japanese person when their knees are cured?

"Happynese" (happy knees).

What do me and a blind person have in common after I look at Alfie's mum?

We're both blind.

Why do they call them a nonce?

Because they go for people who don't have any sense.

Another joke, I know they suck.

What is a depressed person's favorite joke? Their life.

When an American goes on a scale, the other person will say, "I asked for your weight, not your phone number!"

I was drinking a martini and the waitress screamed, “Does anyone know CPR?!”

I yelled, “I know the entire alphabet!”, and we all laughed and laughed. Well, except one person, he didn't hear the joke.

When a person in a wheelchair says, "You've never taken a step in my shoes," and you say, "To be honest, you haven't either."

Every depressed person just has to say, "I WANT TO JUMP OFF THAT TALL BUILDING RIGHT THERE!" and then points to the building and runs up to it like an immature child, and then they get disappointed when they aren't allowed into the building.

Person with no arms: Even though I have no arms, I can do anything you guys can.

Me: If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands. 👏👏 If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands. 👏👏

Person with no arms: 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

What do you call an autistic person playing a guitar?

Guarded.

I said to the emo girl, "She gets jealous every time her phone dies."

Random person: "What's one thing your ex gave you that you can't get rid of?"

Man: *Shows a picture of his child.*

Me: Knock, knock.

Another person (OP): OP: Who's there? Me: Hatch. OP: Hatch who? Me: Bless you =) OP: But I didn't sneeze. Me: You just don't get a joke, do you?

You're so poor, if I ever broke into your house, I'd give you things.

"My name is Dezz."

Heaven is like university: no one gets in.