Person jokes

Teddy’s got a man in his Fanny.

I was drinking a martini and the waitress screamed, “Does anyone know CPR?!”

I yelled, “I know the entire alphabet!”, and we all laughed and laughed. Well, except one person, he didn't hear the joke.

Imagine a white van. Now imagine a white guy in the driver seat with a sombrero on and his arm out the window, and on the side of the van it says "Free Candy." But there's blood all over the van and a dead clown in the back.

When a person in a wheelchair says, "You've never taken a step in my shoes," and you say, "To be honest, you haven't either."

What do you call a person that is both Black and Hispanic and was born on Wednesday? Miérkoolaids.

Person with no arms: Even though I have no arms, I can do anything you guys can.

Me: If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands. 👏👏 If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands. 👏👏

Person with no arms: 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Every depressed person just has to say, "I WANT TO JUMP OFF THAT TALL BUILDING RIGHT THERE!" and then points to the building and runs up to it like an immature child, and then they get disappointed when they aren't allowed into the building.

What do you call an autistic person playing a guitar?

Guarded.

A blind kid was talking to me because he was getting bullied...

I told him, "Just tell them what you see!"

So you're offended by midget jokes? C'mon, grow up!

BlessedBrian’s mom’s birth certificate is a COLLECTOR’S ITEM.

What do you call a gender neutral person who is lactose intolerant non-bi dairy?

What's the difference between a dead person and a walkie-talkie?

A dead person does not walkie or talkie.

If LEO were a spice, she’d be flour... BLAND and FORGETTABLE!

You look too old to be living with your grandma.

What do you call a man without a body and a nose?

Ever noticed that "lol" looks like a person drowning?

I said to the emo girl, "She gets jealous every time her phone dies."

Random person: "What's one thing your ex gave you that you can't get rid of?"

Man: *Shows a picture of his child.*

If you're pro-life, I hope you get hit by a bus today!