Person jokes

I told the last person I slept with I was pregnant. He freaked the fuck out but calmed down after he realized it was April Fools'.

The look on my cousin's face was hilarious.

Why does no one die a virgin? Cause life fucks us all.

A person asks a taxidermist what they do for a living. The taxidermist replies, "Oh, you know, stuff."

What does a depressed person and a jacket have in common?

They’re both hanging in the closet.

What's a mentally retarded person's favorite color? Clear.

I'm a gay depressed person. Would that make me a happy unhappy person?

The last words of a depressive person are: "Yay, Freedom."

Helen Keller is the kind of person to ask you what the time is.

What do you call a person who cares for chickens?

A chicken tender.

They can't say no if they're unconscious.

Why was Timmy the only happy person in his family?

Timmy is dead.

Mary's mother was a good person. Why did she die?

Because she got stabbed in the heart 60 times by a switchblade.

What do you call a disabled person in a sauna?

Steamed veggies!

What is a self-harm person's favorite game?

Fruit Ninja.

My grandpa personally killed 3 German pilots. He was the worst mechanic Luftwaffe had.

I went to the dam to take the dam tour, but the dam tour guide told me there wasn't going to be a dam tour that day. So I was thirsty and I wanted some dam water, but the dam man wouldn't give me any dam water, so I told the dam man to keep his dam water.

How can you save a depressed person from a tree?

You cut the rope.

I moved so much stone today.

I feel like a guy from Palestine looking for his wife.

What would be a good job for a fat person? A four-chin teller!

I went to a stand up show with the person who made my life a joke.