Person jokes

What do you call a person who cares for chickens?

A chicken tender.

What do you call getting gonorrhea from a disabled person?

A slow clap.

How do you piss off a disabled person?

You put the cookie on the other shoulder.

I told the last person I slept with I was pregnant. He freaked the fuck out but calmed down after he realized it was April Fools'.

The look on my cousin's face was hilarious.

They can't say no if they're unconscious.

Why was Timmy the only happy person in his family?

Timmy is dead.

Mary's mother was a good person. Why did she die?

Because she got stabbed in the heart 60 times by a switchblade.

What do you call a disabled person in a sauna?

Steamed veggies!

What is a self-harm person's favorite game?

Fruit Ninja.

My grandpa personally killed 3 German pilots. He was the worst mechanic Luftwaffe had.

I went to the dam to take the dam tour, but the dam tour guide told me there wasn't going to be a dam tour that day. So I was thirsty and I wanted some dam water, but the dam man wouldn't give me any dam water, so I told the dam man to keep his dam water.

How can you save a depressed person from a tree?

You cut the rope.

I went to a stand up show with the person who made my life a joke.

I was on a bus when this girl offered to blow me for $5.

...and never being a person to pass up a good deal, I gave her $5 and watched her do her thing. After she was finished she lit up a cigarette and started smoking right there on the bus.

I was disgusted. I thought to myself, "What is this world coming to? Who sells cigarettes to a 12 year old?"

What's black and sits at the top of the stairs?

Stephen Hawking in a house fire.

While I was out shopping, I tripped in a store and a lady would not stop staring at me. For fun, I said, "Sorry! It's been a while since I've possessed a body." She looked horrified.

Dads are like boomerangs... I hope!

Son: Dad, why is my name Experience? Dad: Son, Experience is the name we give our mistakes.

You won't eat a human, so why eat meat? Bold of you to presume I won't eat a person.

Q: How do you know an Asian person was in your house?

A: Your homework is done, breakfast is made, and your cat is gone.

What do you call a person with no arms or legs at your front door? Mat.

Yo mama so fat, when she made a joke, only one person laughed at it: the pavement. It was absolutely cracking up!

What do you call a non-binary person that is lactose intolerant?

Non-buy dairy.