Person jokes

I moved so much stone today.

I feel like a guy from Palestine looking for his wife.

I was on a bus when this girl offered to blow me for $5.

...and never being a person to pass up a good deal, I gave her $5 and watched her do her thing. After she was finished she lit up a cigarette and started smoking right there on the bus.

I was disgusted. I thought to myself, "What is this world coming to? Who sells cigarettes to a 12 year old?"

What's black and sits at the top of the stairs?

Stephen Hawking in a house fire.

Q: How do you know an Asian person was in your house?

A: Your homework is done, breakfast is made, and your cat is gone.

While I was out shopping, I tripped in a store and a lady would not stop staring at me. For fun, I said, "Sorry! It's been a while since I've possessed a body." She looked horrified.

Dads are like boomerangs... I hope!

Son: Dad, why is my name Experience? Dad: Son, Experience is the name we give our mistakes.

You won't eat a human, so why eat meat? Bold of you to presume I won't eat a person.

What do you call a Greek necrophiliac?

Con Fuckacarcass.

I was at my grandparents' and saw someone breaking into a car. I told my grandpa, "He's trying to break into the car!" He said, "No, ours is in the garden."

I saw names carved into a tree and thought it was romantic. Until I realized how many people bring knives on dates.

I called an Asian person and asked, 'Is this Mister Wing?' 'No.'

I called once more and asked, 'Is this Mister Wong?' 'No.'

I guess I 'winged the Wong number.'

What do you call a person with no arms or legs at your front door? Mat.

Yo mama so fat, when she made a joke, only one person laughed at it: the pavement. It was absolutely cracking up!

Your sister: You're so ugly.

Me: But we look the same, so who's also ugly?

What do you call a person with a flip flop?

My dad.

How did the fat person cross the road?

It rolled.

His name is Donald, but he looks like Goofy.

Fat person: "Hey, what's up?"

Friend: "Your blood pressure!"

What does a depressed person and a chicken have in common? They both try to fly.

Ayo, who's online :')

Neither of them respect boundaries.

Tell an old person to pretend [they are] shaking salt in their mouth... you'll see!