Person jokes
Person: "Doctor, doctor, I've only got 50 seconds to live!"
Doctor: "Just give me a minute!"
What does a depressed person and a fashion enthusiast have in common?
They both have something hanging in their closet.
You: “Knock knock.” Person: “Who’s there?” You: “Leaf.” Person: “Leaf who?” You: “Leaf this house!”
*Apple bottom jeans plays*
I was drinking a martini and the waitress screamed, "Does anyone know CPR?" I yelled, "I know the entire alphabet," and we all laughed and laughed. Well, except one person.
What's the difference between a depressed person and a pizza? Pizza won't cut itself.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.
You’re Russian when you go to the bathroom and Finnish when you come out. What are you in the bathroom?
European.
Sally threw herself a birthday party, and only one person showed up. Who is it?
The grim reaper.
What do you call an autistic person with a driver's license?
A LETHAL WEAPON!
What do dark humor and a person with scoliosis have in common?
Both are sick and twisted.
What do Spider-Man and suicidal people have in common?
They both hang.
Why is Hitler a better person than Jeffrey Epstein?
At least Hitler killed himself.
How come you never see a gay person in a wheelchair?
It’s hard to be a fruit, when you’re already a vegetable.
Sometimes I get jealous when I see a gravestone.
What do you call an LGBTQ person getting grilled? LGBBQ.
What do you call a rich Chinese person? Cha-ching!
Ask Siri what rich North Koreans are there.
Siri: "I could not find anything for this question."
Do you ever look at a person and think, "Just how many generations of inbreeding did it take to create you?"
What do you call a person in a wheelchair with a speaker?
Rolling Loud 🎸🎸
What do you call a person who doesn't masturbate?
A liar.
Yah, hurtful towards you. Bro took it personally, literally.