Person Jokes

Whats a depressed persons favorite drink?

Depresso espresso

What do I call a white person with 15 black kids

Coach

A foreign man came to America not knowing a word of English and right away began looking for a job. He became a chorus teacher and learned to say, ̈Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi! ̈ After that he joined the Army and learned to say, ̈Yes sir! ̈ After that he worked at a restaurant and learned to say, ̈Forks and knives, forks and knives! ̈ After that he worked at a candy store and picked up the words, ̈Goody-goody gumdrops! ̈ A few weeks later, there was a murder in the area and he was the first person to be interrogated by the police. The interrogation went as follows: Policeman: Who killed the man? Foreign man: Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi! Policeman: Did you kill the man? Foreign man: Yes sir! Policeman: What did you use to kill him: Foreign man: Forks and knives, forks and knives! Policeman: You ́re under arrest. Foreign man: Goody-goody gumdrops!

If somebody cuts their leg off and hits you with it. Works they be kicking or hitting you?

What do you call an autistic person with a driver's license?

A LETHAL WEAPON!

An American, a Cuban, a Russian, and a lawyer are sitting on a subway train, in the same seat. The Cuban pulls out a Cuban cigar for each person, and hands it out. The Cuban takes one puff of his cigar, and he throws it out the window. Everybody but the Cuban goes mad. ̈You just wasted an expensive Cuban cigar! How could you? ̈ The Cuban simply says, ̈See, in Cuba, cigars are very cheap. ̈ The other passengers are reassured and respond with, ̈Oh, OK. ̈

The Russian takes out a small bottle of Russian vodka and pours a shot for all the passengers. The Russian downs his shot, and throws the vodka bottle out the window. The rest of the passengers are alarmed, once again. ̈You just destroyed an expensive bottle of Russian vodka! How could you? ̈ The Russian simply states, ̈See, in Russia, vodka is very cheap. ̈ Yet again, the other passengers are reassured and respond with, ̈Ah, yes! Of course. ̈

The American scratches his head and goes, ̈I think I see the pattern here. ̈ So he takes the lawyer, and he throws him out the window! ̈

What happens when you combine candy and dick... That creepy guy down the street!

My mom said the happier a person is when sick the sooner they get better.

So I went to the hospital hooked up everyone's breathing masks to laughing gas.

Whats black, white, and red all over? a penguin in a blender

Whats all fuzzy, warm, and laughing? The person who snapped its neck and put it into the blender

what do you call a shadow stalker REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Why cant a blind person eat fish? They cant Sea-Food.

what happens when a black person gets in a car? the check oil light turns on

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

What does an apple and suicidal person have im common?

There both hamging from a tree.

Person A: What do you call the dangly bit of an octopus?

Person B: Tentacles?

Person A: Ok *tickles person B ten times*

what do you call an emo person whos not depressed? dead.

You’re so scary that even your hairline ran a way.

My friend: you ever feel like life is pointless *drives faster* Me: yea- My friend: if you could die with one person who would it be? *speeds up more* Me: H-hey you should slow down! slow down slow down! were about to-