Person jokes

What do Spider-Man and suicidal people have in common?

They both hang.

What do you call a person who doesn't masturbate?

A liar.

What do I call a white person with 15 black kids?

Coach.

You're the type of person to play "Girl on Fire" during a funeral.

What do you call an autistic person with a driver's license?

A LETHAL WEAPON!

What is a Mexican person's favorite sport?

Cross country.

How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?

They stuck her in a round room and told her to find the penny in the corner.

Hi person reading this.

What do you call an old black person? Farming antique.

what's a depressed person's favorite game?

hangman

What do you call a black person with a gun? Black ops.

You can't be short and depressed because you are compressed.

If a deaf person is at court, then is it still called a hearing?

This man has been through all kinda shit in his life. So one day, he finally looks at himself in the mirror and says, "If another person looks at me again, I'm going to kill myself." He looks at himself and no one ever heard from him again.

What's a depressed person's favorite drink?

Depresso espresso.

If somebody cuts their leg off and hits you with it, would they be kicking or hitting you?

A foreign man came to America not knowing a word of English and right away began looking for a job. He became a chorus teacher and learned to say, "Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi!" After that he joined the Army and learned to say, "Yes sir!" After that he worked at a restaurant and learned to say, "Forks and knives, forks and knives!" After that he worked at a candy store and picked up the words, "Goody-goody gumdrops!"

A few weeks later, there was a murder in the area and he was the first person to be interrogated by the police. The interrogation went as follows:

Policeman: "Who killed the man?" Foreign man: "Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi!" Policeman: "Did you kill the man?" Foreign man: "Yes sir!" Policeman: "What did you use to kill him?" Foreign man: "Forks and knives, forks and knives!" Policeman: "You're under arrest." Foreign man: "Goody-goody gumdrops!"

An American, a Cuban, a Russian, and a lawyer are sitting on a subway train, in the same seat. The Cuban pulls out a Cuban cigar for each person, and hands it out. The Cuban takes one puff of his cigar, and he throws it out the window. Everybody but the Cuban goes mad. "You just wasted an expensive Cuban cigar! How could you?" The Cuban simply says, "See, in Cuba, cigars are very cheap."

The other passengers are reassured and respond with, "Oh, OK."

The Russian takes out a small bottle of Russian vodka and pours a shot for all the passengers. The Russian downs his shot, and throws the vodka bottle out the window. The rest of the passengers are alarmed, once again. "You just destroyed an expensive bottle of Russian vodka! How could you?" The Russian simply states, "See, in Russia, vodka is very cheap." Yet again, the other passengers are reassured and respond with, "Ah, yes! Of course."

The American scratches his head and goes, "I think I see the pattern here." So he takes the lawyer, and he throws him out the window!

What happens when you combine candy and dick? That creepy guy down the street!

I’m trying to find out what IDK means. Every time I ask someone, they say, "I don’t know."