Person jokes
If you are dehydrated, you should get well soon.
Why do black people only have nightmares?
Because the last one that had a dream got shot.
What is the worst motivational thing to say to a depressed person?
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.
What can a dwarf do standing up that a tall person can't do standing up?
Perform fellatio.
What do you call a deaf and blind axe murderer?
Helen Killer.
How do you tell if someone is depressed?
The brains on the wall.
What do you call a white person having a seizure?
A vanilla shake.
What mental disorder do all Mexicans have?
Borderline Personality Disorder.
If someone has a gun and tries to shoot you, just say, “Hipity hoppity, that gun is my property.”
A normal exorcism is getting a demon out of a person, but a reverse exorcism is the devil telling the priest to get out of the child.
When a military person dies, we shoot all night. When a drunkard dies, we drink all night. When a Christian dies, we pray all night. What if a prostitute dies? What should we do? Please tell me.
What do you call a bum person with a brain?
A hillbilly.
A man enters a bar with some friends, and they all sit down to a drink. After not too long, a man with glasses comes through the front door saying, "Anyone who wants to fly off the third story balcony, come upstairs with me!" When no one listens, he shrugs, and everyone watches him go up the stairs. Ten seconds later, he comes back in through the door, again saying, "Anyone who wants to fly off the third story balcony, come upstairs with me!" Everyone is amazed, and a few people leave to go fly with him. He keeps coming back into the bar, bringing more and more patrons to join him. The man at the bar is about to join in when the bartender finally sighs.
"For the last time, Superman, get out of my bar, you're drunk and the only person here that can fly!"
The man with glasses frowns.
"Where did all the others go, then?"
One day, someone goes out into the forest to go hunting, and finds out there are a few others in the forest. He comes back the next day to learn he is the only person there.
Where are the others?
They're in his freezer.
I am never wrong. One time I thought I was wrong, but I was mistaken.
Person 1: How many people has Michael Jackson fingered?
Person 2: Dunno, what’s the minor population?
What do you say to a depressed person?
"I like ya cut, G."
Two people are in a restaurant. Person #1 doesn’t order anything, and Person #2 orders a chili.
Person #1: “Aren’t you gonna eat your bowl of chili?”
Person #2: “No, you can have it.”
Person #1: “Ok, thanks...”
Person 1 starts eating his food only to find half of a dead rat! He vomits all of the food back into the bowl.
Person #2: “That’s about as far as I got too!”
Me and a wheelchair person were playing tag, and I broke my leg so it can be fair for him.
What do you call a retard?