People jokes
Q: Why are gay people never late for their flight?
A: They get their shit packed the night before.
How do Chinese people name their kids?
They throw a wok down the stairs.
If you have a bad day, just think there are at least 15 people who care about you.
Why are Japanese always so skinny?
Cause last time there was a fat man, an entire city disappeared.
Some people are like a software update. When I see them I think, "Not now."
How do people in Alabama get circumcised? You knee your sister's jaw...
How do crazy people get through a forest?
They take the psycho-path!
People dream about having a lot of money, but the only thing you should be dreaming about is a hairline.
A millionaire LOVES alligators and filled his pool full of alligators. One night he has a party and says, "Whoever can swim from one end to the other of the alligator infested pool unharmed will get a prize, my daughter or a million dollars." Some people line up but they are hesitant. One man gets in the water, swims from one end to the other unharmed, and went to the millionaire. The millionaire says, "Wow, I can't believe you did it! So what's your prize?" The guy says, "I don't care about the million dollars or your daughter, I just want to know who the b@$*ard was that pushed me in the pool!"
Life is too short, just like me. Get roasted, short people!
What do you get when you put 50 lawyers in a room with 50 lesbians? One hundred people who don't do dick.
There were four people in a helicopter: Trump, a first-grade kid, a schoolteacher, and the Chinese leader.
There were only three parachutes. The Chinese leader takes one and jumps. The schoolteacher says she has to teach, so she jumps. Trump and the first-grader are left. Trump says, "I've lived my life; you take the last one." So the kid puts on his backpack and jumps. Trump makes it out safe.
The police told everyone to put their hands up, and the police were having fun waving their hands around.
Conservatives hate Barack Obama and transgender people for the same exact reason.
They hate change.
Why is Paul Walker a walker?
To let people know he isn't a driver.
I would make a joke about fat people, but they already have enough on their plate.
Don't drink and park.
Accidents cause people.
Why do they call them a nonce?
Because they go for people who don't have any sense.
9/11 was pretty great to me, it's just hilarious to watch people lose at Jenga.
Straight people ask why gays have such a good fashion sense.
They have to come out of the closet sometime.