People jokes

What's the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi? -- People in Dubai don't like the Flintstones but people in Abu Dhabi doooo.

Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

My friend Jimmy said his dad is exactly like Santa. I asked, "Why is it because he gives people presents?" Jimmy told me, "No, it's because I hear so many good things about him and how he's gonna come home, but never see him."

When someone has an imaginary friend, you call them weird and crazy.

But when a group of people have an imaginary friend, you call it religion. :)

I like my humor like my people. Well done.

I was watching my daughter at a park. She was playing with a few people. Another parent came up to me and said, "Which one is yours?" Just for fun, I said, "I am still choosing." She looked horrified.

What's one thing gay people can't draw?

A straight line.

What do gay people and mice have in common?

They both hate pussy cats!

Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn't last as long for fat people.

What do you get when you combine a priest and lawyer? A Father-in-law.

Yo mama so fat that when she crossed the road, people mistook her for a roundabout.

They say people are 75% water.

But I'm 100% useless.

I'd tell you a joke about unemployed people, but none of them work.

Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 20 people, then it exploded.

A husband and a wife have four children. The oldest three are tall with blonde hair. The youngest is short with brown hair. The husband was on his deathbed and said, "Honey, can you be completely honest with me? Is our youngest son mine?" The wife says, "I swear to all that is holy, he is your son." Then the husband died and the wife muttered, "Thank god he didn't ask about the other three."

When deaf people fight, they let their fists do the talking.

We wrote letters to a kid with cancer. My letter read, "It's a bumpy road but soon you will have a straight path." People didn't realize it was meant for his heart monitor.

Why did the snail paint a big "S" on his car?

Because he wanted people to say look at that S-car go when he rolled by.

What do 9 out of 10 people enjoy?

Gang rape.

Best way to stop a fight between deaf people?

Just turn off the lights.