when the teacher calls on you and asks you how many people did Hitler kill.

“One, he killed himself”

People who are afraid of pedophiles… need to grow up.

A Horse walks into a bar. Several people get up and leave, realizing the potential danger in the situation.

You know, most people take rocks for granite… sorry

When you are suicidal comedic relief sometimes helps. These jokes sometimes help you realize how many more people feel the way you do and how ridiculous it sounds sometimes.

But joke time…

I’m giving in my two week resignation to life… it’s not you … it’s me!!!

A kid is arrested for a school shooting threat he is then apprehended and asked why he wanted to do this. He responds with “what do you mean I already did it” then the police ran back to the school to aprehend the other people he was planing it with the cops busted in through the doors which caused a smoke trap to go off which then the cops saw three people walk in and the police begin to fire. But as the smoke began to clear the cops saw that the three people were 16 kids duck taped to rolling poles 4 per pole. Back to the station holding the kid being apprehended. the kid puts his feet up on a chair and said “Aww it pays to be lazy!”

A pun walked into a room and killed ten people.

Pun in, ten dead.

Light travels faster than sound. That’s why some people appear bright until you hear them speak

What’s the difference between people and chocolate? I can still buy dark chocolate

Dead people jokes are the best there ground breaking.

i like when people say they hate me because we have something in common <3

surely people would consider putting pedals on wheelchairs so that they’re arms don’t get tired…

There were three people on the third floor of a building the first one took a bite of a apple then said it was too hard so he threw it out the window the second person took a bite of a lemon he said it was too sour so he threw it out the window the third guy was drunk, he took a bite of a grenade and thought it was to crunchy so he threw it out the window then one of them went downstairs he saw a dog laying on the ground dead the apple had hit the dog in the head then there was a little girl crying with her cat in her lap it had died because the lemon fell out the window and hit it in the head next there was a old guy laughing i asked him why he was laugh he said “i farted and the building behind me blew up”.

Doctor : what makes you feel depressed? Me: I used to work at the word trade centre, before the plane hit. Doctor: a lot of people fell to pieces after that.

Ever wonder where people got their surnames? Mr Baker was probably a baker. Mr Butcher was probably a butcher. And then there was Mr Dickinson…

Most people smother babies with love. I smother them with pillows

It’s ironic that the more other people love you the more you hate yourself.

What did the Ford Mustang say to the crowd of innocent people? I’D HIT THAT

yo momma so fat that when she crossed the road people mistook her for a roundabout.

I hope when I inevitably choke to death on gummy bears, people just say I was killed by bears and leave it at that

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