People are making end of the world jokes, like there’s no tomorrow.

surely people would consider putting pedals on wheelchairs so that they’re arms don’t get tired…

yo momma so fat that when she crossed the road people mistook her for a roundabout.

A Horse walks into a bar. Several people get up and leave, realizing the potential danger in the situation.

johnny was watching TV when you hear them say bitch and bastards so he ask hes dad “what is a bitch and bastard.” dad say “a bitch is a female and a bastard is a mail.” then johnny goes back to the TV and hears them say ass and shit so he ask hes dad what shit and ass means dad says “a shit is shaving creme like what i’m putting on my face and ass is a coat why don’t you bug your mom.” so johnny goes back to the TV and then they say fuck so johnny ask his mom what fuck means mom says "fuck means carving like doing to the turkey then a few minutes later Johnny hears a knock on the door so he answers it he then says “welcome bitch and bastard may i tack your ass” the people then ask wear hes parents are johnny says "my dad is putting shit on hes face and my mom i fucking the turkey.

I hope when I inevitably choke to death on gummy bears, people just say I was killed by bears and leave it at that

People judge me because im quiet

no one plans a massacre out loud

I’m so annoyed by those people who just believe in anything they hear. This is a conversation I had a few days ago.

Idiot: The moon landing was faked! So unbelievable fake! Me: You believe in the moon? Stupidass.

Why do emo people want to be called scene now, the only thing I’ve scene from them is there suicide rate climbing

When I was in 4th grade, we wrote letters to kids in the hospital. I wrote: It is a bumpy road but soon it will be a straight path. Not many people know I was talking about their heart monitor.

What do 9 out of 10 people enjoy?

Gang rape.

Me and a person downtown.

Person: Hey, crazy Saturday night.

Me: I guess so.

Person: Why do people do crazy stuff like this?

Me: I don’t know. I used too, but don’t anymore.

Person: why’d you stop?

Me: unfortunately, I lived every time I’d try something.

People sometimes ask me why I cut myself. I usually answer, that at least i can scan my worth at the supermarket.

I would tell you a joke about unemployed people, but they don’t really work.

Doctor : what makes you feel depressed? Me: I used to work at the word trade centre, before the plane hit. Doctor: a lot of people fell to pieces after that.

What do gay people and mice have in common?

They both hate pussy cats!

People who are afraid of pedophiles… need to grow up.

Why were the people in the twin towers sad? They ordered pepperoni pizza but all they got was plane.

Ever wonder where people got their surnames? Mr Baker was probably a baker. Mr Butcher was probably a butcher. And then there was Mr Dickinson…

What’s the difference between people and chocolate? I can still buy dark chocolate