Why are blind people so good ad being a jedi? They are always swinging a stick

People who are afraid of pedophiles… need to grow up.

Why couldn’t most people remember 9/11?

Because it flew over their heads.

A pun walked into a room and killed ten people.

Pun in, ten dead.

Most people smother babies with love. I smother them with pillows

when the teacher calls on you and asks you how many people did Hitler kill.

“One, he killed himself”

Some people think incest jokes are funny. I just think it’s all relative.

There are 10 types of people in this world.

Those that know binary and those that don’t.

pun enters the room and kills ten people.

pun in, ten dead

Ever wonder where people got their surnames? Mr Baker was probably a baker. Mr Butcher was probably a butcher. And then there was Mr Dickinson…

Why do emo people want to be called scene now, the only thing I’ve scene from them is there suicide rate climbing

Two people just met. One said, “We should do some bonding.” The other nodded and said back, “Titanic.” The first just looked confused so the second one just said, “Sorry, thought that would be a good icebreaker.”

If I was an object in this world I’d be a glass! Because if you leave me when I’m too close to the edge I will likely shatter and break.

If I was a pizza topping I would be pineapple! Because everybody doubts me.

I’m a star! Because one of these days I’m going to crash and burn…

If I could choose what creature I come back as after I die I’d be a panda, because people would give a shit if I went extinct.

I’m like the sun; I’m painful to look at.

If I was a food I would be chopped liver because nobody likes me.

I’m like an eggshell… broken and empty.

If I was a mythical creature I’d be a unicorn! Because nobody believes in me.

I’m like a flashlight with old batteries inside because my inner light died a long time ago.

My soul is a raisin because it’s dried up shriveled, and not everyone likes it.

I’m like the moon because you only get to see one side of me.

I’m like the moon because as the month progresses my life becomes covered more and more by darkness.

I’m like an Ex streamly powerful fan! Because I push everyone away.

I’m like a disposable camera! People use me once and then just throw me away.

I’m like a shity book cover… because people think they have the right to judge and label me before they read my pages.

My brain and body is essentially a really old married couple that can’t afford to go through with the divorce and now they are stuck in a toxic relationship they are desperate to escape but the more they try the more they sink into the quicksand that is my depression and anxiety

Help me…

The last joke about the dad was a joke. Don’t take it seriously. Can’t believe that people actually think that was true

Did you know the people in the twin towers were great readers?

Yea, they went through 80 stories in seconds.

The irony of metal jokes is pretty fun. But it lead to a lot of people steeling them.

Why are people mass buying toilet paper because of the corona virus? When someone sneezes every one shits they’re pants

A 10y.o. : I don’t want to smile without having a reason to. People shouldn’t think I’m happy 24/7. A 10y.o. week later: Damn… my life is shitty…

<2y. later> 12y.o. : What is de-pre-ssion? googles it

Now 14y.o. : Oh…

In my free time, I like to help blind people

Verb, not adjective

There’s four people on a roof a Mexican, Asian, black guy, and a white guy. The Mexican walks over to the ledge and says “this is for my people” and jumps off, the Asian also walks over to the ledge and says “this is for my people” and jumps off, then the black guy walks over to the edge and says “this is for my people” and pushes the white guy off.

Loading...