Why do people not play uno with Mexicans… because they are always stealing the green cards

What do you call the people in the challenger explosion.

Ashtraynauts

What do 9 out of 10 people enjoy?

Gang rape.

There was a costume party on Halloween. Everyone was there except one guy. Many people asked his brother where he was. His reply was, “Oh, he wanted to be our dad for Halloween.”

Teacher: People with Depression never get anywhere in life. Student 1: My mom has depression, but she died. Student 2: My sister has depression and she’s going to Therapy. Student 3: My Dad Has depression, and he’s Doing REALLY Well

Cannibal (n.) Someone who is fed up with people.

Suicidal people are ground breaking

What kind of tea do wealthy people own?

Proper-Tea.

If I was an object in this world I’d be a glass! Because if you leave me when I’m too close to the edge I will likely shatter and break.

If I was a pizza topping I would be pineapple! Because everybody doubts me.

I’m a star! Because one of these days I’m going to crash and burn…

If I could choose what creature I come back as after I die I’d be a panda, because people would give a shit if I went extinct.

I’m like the sun; I’m painful to look at.

If I was a food I would be chopped liver because nobody likes me.

I’m like an eggshell… broken and empty.

If I was a mythical creature I’d be a unicorn! Because nobody believes in me.

I’m like a flashlight with old batteries inside because my inner light died a long time ago.

My soul is a raisin because it’s dried up shriveled, and not everyone likes it.

I’m like the moon because you only get to see one side of me.

I’m like the moon because as the month progresses my life becomes covered more and more by darkness.

I’m like an Ex streamly powerful fan! Because I push everyone away.

I’m like a disposable camera! People use me once and then just throw me away.

I’m like a shity book cover… because people think they have the right to judge and label me before they read my pages.

My brain and body is essentially a really old married couple that can’t afford to go through with the divorce and now they are stuck in a toxic relationship they are desperate to escape but the more they try the more they sink into the quicksand that is my depression and anxiety

Help me…

johnny was watching TV when you hear them say bitch and bastards so he ask hes dad “what is a bitch and bastard.” dad say “a bitch is a female and a bastard is a mail.” then johnny goes back to the TV and hears them say ass and shit so he ask hes dad what shit and ass means dad says “a shit is shaving creme like what i’m putting on my face and ass is a coat why don’t you bug your mom.” so johnny goes back to the TV and then they say fuck so johnny ask his mom what fuck means mom says "fuck means carving like doing to the turkey then a few minutes later Johnny hears a knock on the door so he answers it he then says “welcome bitch and bastard may i tack your ass” the people then ask wear hes parents are johnny says "my dad is putting shit on hes face and my mom i fucking the turkey.

There’s four people on a roof a Mexican, Asian, black guy, and a white guy. The Mexican walks over to the ledge and says “this is for my people” and jumps off, the Asian also walks over to the ledge and says “this is for my people” and jumps off, then the black guy walks over to the edge and says “this is for my people” and pushes the white guy off.

Why are blind people so good ad being a jedi? They are always swinging a stick

“Go big or go home”, that’s what some people say.

“Go loud and proud”, that’s what other people say.

“Go out with a big, loud bang!”, that’s what I say.

When deaf people fight, they let their fists do the talking.

The more people who like to eat tide pods, the less idiots we have in the world. 😁

Why cant two chinese people have a white baby ?

Because two wongs dont make a white

Me and a person downtown.

Person: Hey, crazy Saturday night.

Me: I guess so.

Person: Why do people do crazy stuff like this?

Me: I don’t know. I used too, but don’t anymore.

Person: why’d you stop?

Me: unfortunately, I lived every time I’d try something.

I’ve just started a new business making people breathe in large amounts of helium. They all speak very highly of it.

So. You wanna hear a joke about the wall? …Actually nah you won’t get over it

Statistics show that 1 in 3 people live next to a padophile however I think that’s a lie because I just live next to 2 stunning 8 year olds

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