Peanut jokes
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Peanut. Peanut who? Peanut butter open the door!
When you throw your peanut butter sandwich at the nut allergy table: 25+ kill streak!
Why do people in Alabama like peanut butter and jelly?
Because it's in bread.
What's your mom and a dog got in common?
Both will lick dick if you put peanut butter on it.
Why was there peanut butter in the middle of the road?
It went with the traffic jam.
Peanut Butter
What is a popular name for girl peanuts?
Michelle.
Why did the squirrel ask for a pay raise?
He was paid peanuts.
When is the peanut butter due to arrive?
In a Jif.
What did the guest say when he arrived at the peanut butter's dinner party?
“Nice spread!”
Why couldn’t the peanut finish the project?
Work came to a grinding halt.
What did the peanut say to the cashew after their argument?
Who answers the door at the peanut mansion?
The peanut butler.
So, I remember growing my own peanuts really well. There's one that's larger than the others. I can't keep my eye off of it.
I'm scared that it moves at night.
I'm being serious. I literally can't keep my eye off it.
A peanut and another peanut walk into a bar.
One was a salted peanut.
Peanuts are hard to crack, just like my ex-wife's heart.
When it's NNN but you have a peanut allergy: 🥳
Hey, do you like nuts? Try our new product, deez nuts! *slam dunk* It's a bag filled with all of your favorite nuts! We called it deez nuts! *slam dunk* We got cashues peanuts wallnuts!
And it's called deez nuts! *slam dunk* Try out deez nuts *slam dunk* now! It's a bag, filled with your favorite nuts! Deez nuts! *slam dunk*
What do plus a nut and a pee make?
Pee-nuts.
What does the Peanut Butter Baby say?
"Ah!"
Friend: What are you doing?
Me: Putting peanut butter on my balls.
Friend hears in the distance, "Orphans, I have food for you!"