Peanut jokes

What’s the difference between peanut butter and a dead baby?

Dogs only lick peanut butter off private parts.

Roses are red, peanuts are tan. I am joining the Ku Klux Klan.

I’d tell you a secret about peanut butter, but you might spread it.

Yo momma is so hungry that she ate your peanuts!

The peanut gained confidence and finally came out of its shell.

What do you call a sandwich 🥪 full of envy?

Peanut Butter n' Jealousy! 😂

What do you call a peanut on the allergy table?

A kill streak.

What's your mom and a dog got in common?

Both will lick dick if you put peanut butter on it.

So, I remember growing my own peanuts really well. There's one that's larger than the others. I can't keep my eye off of it.

I'm scared that it moves at night.

I'm being serious. I literally can't keep my eye off it.

I put peanut butter on my asshole so the dog would lick it, but instead I got bit by ants.

What's a shark's favorite sandwich? Peanut butter and jellyfish!

What did the bread say to the peanut butter? "I think your nuts."

If a walnut is a nut on the wall, then what is a peanut?

The cashew called the peanut boring.

The peanut felt very unsalted.

What do elephants drink on vacation?

Peanut coladas.

What did the peanut say to the cashew after their argument?

What's the difference between a peanut and a priest?

With a peanut, you have to break the shell open for the nut to come out.

Hannes asks his mother, "Mom, why are the peanuts called peanuts?" Mom replies, "Because they grow in the earth." Hannes replies, "Then why don't strawberries grow in the earth?" Mom replies: "The giraffes originally had a short neck, but it has grown from giraffe to giraffe. The same thing happened with the strawberries. They grew in the earth and grew higher from harvest to harvest until at some point their stems protruded from the earth." Hannes replies, "Then why is my neck so short?" The mother replies: "So many people died in the First and Second World Wars that our necks could not develop at all. It was the same in the Thirty Years' War. We humans have been in so many wars. The giraffes in none and that's why our neck is so short."

What do strippers and peanut butter have in common? They both spread for bread.

What does the Peanut Butter Baby say?

"Ah!"